Why Going Through Your Partner's Phone Will Inevitably Hurt Your Relationship

by Alexandra Williams

You watch the love of your life slide seductively out of bed in the morning. Hair mussed and sticking out in places, a little bit of ass cheek peeking out.

The bathroom door shuts, and you feel alone. Except that person hasn't really left -- not if his or her phone is still in bed with you.

You can hear all of the typical bathroom noises, and you know you have at least four more free minutes before your SO comes back. Really, what harm could it do to just take a quick peek at your SO's phone?

Maybe Tinder is still activated, maybe the ex recently texted and even though you were always in the know, you just want to make sure it was the same conversation you were told about.

Maybe that little spidey-sense is telling you there's something you need to see.

You pick up the phone and feel the weight of knowledge in your hands. Everything you wanted to know about your SO is right there. Is it really so wrong to just take a quick look?

Yes. It's just not cool to go through your SO's phone without permission, and here's why. 

1. You're breaking their trust.


Most people probably won't care if you look through their phone. You can even argue someone would only care if they had something to hide.

But the bottom line is a phone is personal property and nobody likes a snoop. Sure, it's your SO, you should be past personal boundaries.

But do you really want to take that chance?

2. You might find something that ruins everything.

Just as you may find out your SO is cheating or talking to some rando, your boyfriend or girlfriend could also be hiding some nice surprises from you.

Maybe it's a present or a surprise dinner for that weekend, and the person is just as excited about surprising you as you are about being surprised. Don't ruin that.

If you have a suspicion your SO is cheating, a direct conversation is usually a better idea than snooping for proof and invading his or her privacy, especially if it turns out you're wrong.

3. You might find nothing

Denni Van Huis

You might be thinking, “Well if I snoop and find nothing, no harm, no foul, right?”


You broke your partner's trust, and even worse, you gained nothing out of it. Don't break trust like that.

4. The skeletons in your closet will come out, too. 

If you snoop, that person has every right to snoop back.

Don't think that just because you have a “good reason” to snoop, it means you have the right to. Even if you find nothing, your partner then has total power to look through your phone -- because that's only fair.

That super steamy pic you sent to an ex before you met your current partner? Fair game. Last Friday when you searched for indigestion as a result of Indian takeout? Totally fair game.

Bottom line is -- if you feel the need to snoop through a your partner's phone without asking first, there's likely a larger problem in your relationship you're failing to address.

Maybe your partner has broken your trust before and you're not over it yet. Maybe you're just not a trusting person to begin with. Maybe your SO snooped first and you're feeling vindictive.

Either way, most of these problems can be settled with a discussion rather than a snooping session.

So when that inevitable moment comes along when you have the choice, to snoop or not to snoop, choose not to -- because whatever bit of knowledge you gain from snooping will never matter more than what you lose in the process.