Ah, ghosting. It's the dating phenomenon that happens when people are too cowardly to actually end things with the people they've been seeing, so they choose to just… disappear instead.
Ghosters are idiots. But if you've ever been ghosted, know that you're not alone.
In this weekly column, I share a tale of a time a reader was ghosted (with accompanying screenshots) so you can see the last text that was sent or words that were uttered before someone decided to disappear forever. I present to you: Boom, Ghosted.
Have your own ghosting story you'd like to submit? You can submit your story here, or send over to firstname.lastname@example.org.
This week we have Clarissa* who was ghosted by her boyfriend of over a year after he repeatedly promised he'd never ghost her:
I was ghosted by my now ex-boyfriend of over a year. We even talked about ghosting at the beginning of the relationship. We both admitted to ghosting people we went on dates with, but nothing serious. We both felt guilty [about ghosting those people] and made pacts that we'd never ghost again. He even promised me he'd never ghost me, and if there were any issues, we'd work it out. We were very serious about each other, even talking about moving in together within the year or so. He even got a new job right down the road from my job, so we could be close to each other and possibly have lunch together some days. I thought he was it for me. But little did I know, I guess I didn't know him as well as I thought. One night, we had a huge fight. And the next day — right before I went into work, might I add — he slammed insults at me over the phone, comparing me to his abusive ex-girlfriend and to his verbally abusive father. We gave each other space for about five days after that.
We eventually talked and worked it out. He promised we'd be OK, and again, I told him I was afraid he was going to ghost me. He said he wouldn't have done that. If he was going to break up with me, he would've had a conversation. Fast forward a few weeks, and I noticed he was texting me less. And now, I'm also always the one initiating the texts when he used to almost always be the initiator. Then, he stopped texting me back altogether. Usually, at first, we'd talk on the phone. And if he saw he missed my call, he'd call me back, although toward the end, our conversations were forced. Now, though, he doesn't answer my calls. The last message he answered back was from a good luck text for his new job. I haven't heard from him since.
I even sent him a video of his favorite song from a band from a concert I went to, and it went unanswered. I don't understand how you can be with someone so intensely for over a year and still be able to ghost your girlfriend and claim you loved them. That's not love. It really sucks, and I'm trying to move on. But how do you truly move on from being ghosted? I want that closure, but for now, I'm just doing me.
This guy sucks.
First of all, the fact that he took a brief break from his consistent ghosting to text her a quick "Thank you" infuriates me. Like, WHY BOTHER WITH THAT REMINDER THAT YOU ARE, IN FACT, ALIVE AND WELL, BUT JUST ACTIVELY CHOOSING TO IGNORE HER? That's evil, as far as I'm concerned.
Then, do not even get me started on the multiple promises to never ghost her only to — wait for it — oh yeah, that's right, ghost her.
What do you guys think? Have you had a similar experience? Do you see where this guy's coming from? Comment your thoughts below!
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*Names have been changed.