This week we have Alexandria*. She was ghosted after she called out her guy for being on dating apps while she was giving him space to study for his exams:
In August 2016, I began chatting with a guy I met on Bumble. Now, I've had a lot of not-so-nice experiences in the online/app dating world, however, this guy seemed different. Hailing from South Africa, Steve* was all about treating women (and all people) with respect, old-fashioned values, and taking things slowly. After communicating back and forth for a few weeks, we finally met up and had dinner at a cute little beachside restaurant. We had a great date and saw each other several more times throughout that next week. He was attentive, formal, and thoughtful -- a refreshing change from my previous dating experiences.
In early October, he became really invested in studying for this CPA licensure exams. He had failed one exam, so he was understandably stressed about passing the remaining parts and retaking the failed portion. Being the incredibly understanding young lady I am, I was fully supportive of his endeavors and understood he needed to devote the majority of his time to his studies in the evenings, while continuing to work full-time during the day. The studying, coupled with the traveling he had to do for his current job as an auditor, did not allow for us to see each other as much as we had in the beginning.
Come November, although I wanted to have the 'let's make it exclusive' talk, I decided not to push him since I knew how much he had on his plate. If he didn't pass, after all, he would lose his job (which is sponsoring his Visa) and run the risk of being deported, as he has not yet finished the Green Card process. He constantly told me how much he appreciated my understanding and made time for me when he could, so I didn't think much of it. Now, I don't know how to explain the 'weird feeling' I got. However, I decided to log back into a dating app I hadn't used in quite some time and found him with an updated profile (complete with pictures he had sent me from a recent bachelor party he attended in Texas). I confronted him about it, asking why he felt the need to do this as he had said, 'I don't have any intentions of seeing anyone else.'
Editor's note: This next screenshot is picking up a little further into their conversation. Alexandria did not provide the rest of the conversation.
At that point, he confided in me some things about his past, and we both agreed to take down any and all profiles. He promised that come January, he would have more time to invest in our relationship. I confirmed that I was willing to continue to be patient if he promised to follow through on his commitment to give me the time I deserve. This seemed reasonable to me, and I felt better that we had this clarity. In December, he was traveling a great deal with family, so we didn't see much of each other. I got him a very thoughtful gift that he loved.
At Christmas time, I started not hearing from him as much. I chalked it up to all of the travel and focusing on his time with family (who he hadn't seen in almost a year). Texts and phone calls went unanswered for days. Again, that 'weird feeling' came up, so I did what I had done in November and reactivated an old profile on yet another site. Lo and behold, there he was with another profile, active about an hour before I stumbled across his profile. Meanwhile, he hadn't answered texts or phone calls in four days. Naturally, I screenshotted the profile and texted it to him with a note 'What is this? I thought we agreed to take down profiles?'
No answer. Nada. Zilch. This leaves me with lots of questions -- did he get caught red-handed using dating apps after promising to take them down (as I had done)? Was he putting on this gentlemanly, 'I will never drop off the face of the earth like the others' act for all this time? Is he a total and complete psychopath?
I suppose I'll never know. I sure as hell can't figure out why people feel it is acceptable to treat people like this. I guess I dodged a bullet with this one!!
The way I see it, this story is a real wake up call for "chill girls" everywhere.
Alexandria tried to be patient and understanding when Steve told her he was busy. She tried to be patient with asking him about being exclusive. She even tried to give him a second chance after she found him on dating apps the first time.
But instead of getting the guy in the end, she just got totally and completely shafted.
He kept going on dating apps, he gave her even less attention than he was giving her before and he ghosted her in the end.
So, ladies, if you have something you're not comfortable with, or something you've just been dying to say to him, say it before it's too late.
That being said, I don't think this was her fault. I think this guy was an inattentive jerk, and no matter how she played the situation, it would have probably ended up in flames.
What do you guys think? Do you see his point of view? Have you ever been in a similar situation? Comment your thoughts and feelings below!
*Names have been changed.