Skip The Rebound Sex: Why Screwing Someone Else Only Screws You Over

by Dontaira Terrell

There's no denying a breakup is definitely one of the hardest things to go through in life.

The truth of the matter is, though, heartbreak is a universal language each and every one of us already has learned – or will eventually learn – at some point in our lives.

The real question remains: How exactly do you get over a previous lover?

Many would agree to disagree over the fact that the only way to maneuver through the pain and alleviate the heartache is to take a page out of Jay Z's book and keep it movin' – on to the next one.

Although it sounds good in theory, if you haven't fully healed from your previous love affair, rebound sex isn't exactly the route to take when putting back the pieces of your damaged heart.

Unfortunately, the 21st century way of thinking has caused us to live in an era of instant gratification.

We're often persuaded by societal standards and the belief we shouldn't wear our hearts on our sleeves. Instead, we live by the mantra, “don't let 'em see you sweat.”

Maybe it's the reason we immediately dive under someone else; we're searching for the quickest solution to get us over the one we're missing.

Science has revealed most people who engage in rebound or revenge sex struggle with feelings of loneliness and the fear of being unwanted.

Truthfully, aren't we all a little scared of being lonely at one point or another?

But contrary to popular belief, it's OK to be by yourself – especially after a breakup. It gives you time to establish an unbreakable bond with the most important person in your life: Y-O-U.

Break-up wounds take time to heal. So if you haven't made peace with the ending of a prior relationship, in all honesty, you shouldn't allow your sexual desires to be fulfilled by someone who serves as a temporary crutch.

Settling for something to fill the emotional void is good for the moment, but once that moment expires, then what?

In the end, something you thought would ease the pain tends to bring more stress and heartache along the way.

Striking while the iron is hot isn't exactly going to create a lasting flame.

A study released by the Archives of Sexual Behavior, completed by researchers at the University of Missouri, analyzed 170 undergraduate students who were single and ready to mingle after calling it quits with their exes.

Thirty-five percent of the willing participants were hot and heavy between the sheets with someone new only as a rebound from their ex-partner, whereas 25 percent engaged in revenge sex within a month of the split.

Although it provided a Band-Aid for the time being, stoking a new flame couldn't shake the deep-rooted emotional void left in the wake of a failed relationship.

As the findings proved, those who jumped in bed with someone new after the ending of a relationship suffered more long-term pain and heartache than those who didn't engage in a case of rebound or revenge sex.

Get over it without getting under someone else.

If you truly think about it, there are several ways to get over a good or bad breakup, but getting under someone in order to get over someone isn't one of them.

Call your girls up for a night on the town, lie in bed and cry endless tears or become one with Netflix and binge-watch all of your favorite shows.

There's always the healthy alternative to help get your mind right like exercising or trying new activities.

Just remember, you're allowed to be sad, angry and hurt from the breakup, but don't allow these feelings to cause you to settle or distort your sound judgment.

Take as much time as needed to work through the emotional cycle.

Lastly, be patient with yourself, and please don't allow anyone to tell you differently or persuade you to rush into something you know your body and soul just aren't ready for.

Rediscovering happiness, a sense of closure and peace of mind from the breakup can only be achieved from within, not in someone else's pants.

Take some time for you and heal your wounds before getting involved in a new rendezvous.

Citations: Whats Really Behind Rebound Sex (Psychology Today), Rebound Sex Sexual Motives and Behaviors Following a Relationship Breakup (Archives Of Sexual Behavior), One third of people have revenge or rebound sex study (NY Daily News)