Dear Mom: 7 Reasons You Need To Get Over Your Antiquated Dating Ideas

by Lauren Martin

Relationships are phenomena. Finding someone you like who also likes you is one of those rare occurrences that must be paid special attention. I mean, you finally get to have consistent sex without spending your food money on 6-am Ubers.

So why, Mom, do you have to ruin it with your weird, outdated dating philosophies and ideals? Why do you have to take something good and turn it into a lesson on morality and respect? Why do you have to make me feel weird about something I feel so good about?

I know it’s hard for you to wrap your head around this, but things have changed. Things are so different, in fact, that telephones are now only used for ironic art shows and taxis only come in the form of Robert De Niro references.

Your rules and ideas about modern day relationships need an upgrade even sooner than your iPhone 4. Like the way we've been forced to accept your generational values and codes, you must start looking at ours in a serious way.

People aren't getting married before they have kids. In fact, people aren't getting married at all. Sex is no longer immoral and closeted, and swiping right is an acceptable style for picking up women.

Basically, your antiquated dating ideas are infringing on my modern day relationship.

We don't adhere to traditional gender roles

Those ideas about being a good wife and showing a man you can keep a good house are just a slap in every modern woman’s face.

The roles no longer work like that. Now, it’s less like roles and more like improv. People are just trying to be themselves and find someone who accepts them for that.

We’ve witnessed the divorce rate that stemmed from these traditional roles of man and wife and decided it can’t hurt to try it another way.

We’re not trying to have it all right now

I don’t want a house; I just want a boyfriend. Just because I’m not on the fast track to baby food and wedding vows doesn’t mean the steps I’m taking aren’t important.

My generation is different; we want different things at different times. Rather than a three-bedroom house in suburbia, I’d rather have a fourth-floor one-bedroom walkup in an expensive city.

We’re dating longer, marrying later

No one is in a rush to get married. Why would we be? We have no reason to get hitched and spend the rest of our lives wondering if we rushed it.

Women no longer need money, men don’t need maids, and we all don’t need the aggravation of it. One day, we’ll get there. But for now, it’s more fun to just play pretend house.

We don't have to live with someone to marry him

While I know moving in with someone is a big step, I look at it as a vital step before taking any bigger ones, like, hmm, marriage.

I know you grew up differently, during a time when marriage before sex was considered respectable, but today it’s just moronic (and the vital downfall to Charlotte York’s perfect marriage).

How can you rationalize marrying someone if you don't even know what it's like to live with them (or sleep with them)?

We’re not bringing home every boyfriend as our future husband

Not every guy I’m dating is going to be the one. Just because I’m with him right now doesn’t mean I see myself with him in five years. We’re just having fun -- something unnerving to those of your generation.

Every relationship is unique and important outside of the marital scale. They're not all auditions for husband number one.

We're judging who they are, not where they're from

“He’s Jewish, and his dad’s a doctor” is no longer grounds for a suitable mate. I’m not choosing my men based on that criterion, and you shouldn’t be judging them on it, either.

Whoever I bring home doesn’t have to live up to some impossible standards dictated by antiquated notions and ideals. Whoever I chose will have their worth based on who they are right now, not who they've been or who they know.

We're happy being different

Even though you don't understand why we do what we do, we know why we're doing it, and that's enough. Even though you don't approve of all our choices, we think we're doing something good.

We're not always right, and we definitely make mistakes, but at least we're sticking by each other. We're a generation of individuals who are determined to find a new way of pursuing happiness.

Just because we're getting married older, saving for houses later and living together before marriage doesn't mean we're not taking our adult lives seriously. We're just not trying to be serious adults.