I am not what you would call a physically fit person.
Sure, I work out four to five times a week and try not to eat super poorly, but my rice intake over the last three years of my relationship with my Latin boyfriend has gone up drastically, and I really like baking cupcakes.
So no, my body isn't the shape that is plastered all over your social media feeds.
Do I feel 100 percent comfortable? No, not really.
I'm doing these things simply for myself.
I'm not doing it so that I'll get more likes on Instagram. I'm not doing it to impress the kid from middle school who told me he was more attracted to a garbage can. (Yeah, that really happened.)
I'm not doing it because society tells me to or to make someone else happy. I'm trying to focus less on my appearance and more on my overall health.
That's why I find this trend of “revenge bodies” to be so detrimental.
“Revenge body” refers to the idea that to get back at an ex, you change your diet and exercise plan and get a bit of a makeover in order to throw it in your ex's face.
It's something that I totally don't get.
If my boyfriend broke up with me tomorrow, I wouldn't think, “Oh my god, if I just workout like crazy and change the way I look, he's going to realize what an idiot he is.”
No, after crying until my tear ducts gave out and probably sleeping more than I should (I really love my boyfriend, OK?), I would start to get mad and think, “What an idiot. I'm a great catch. I'm smart and funny and kind. My eyes are gorgeous and my makeup game is way strong. HIS LOSS.”
I think the idea of the revenge body is flawed. We think because we see a Kardashian hawk it on E!, it should also be a priority for ourselves. But, it's not.
If you want to get in shape and take hold of your health, it should be because you want to, not because you want to stick it to your ex.
You should want to feel confident about who you are simply because YOU want to.
You should want to take control of your health because it's important in the long run.
If you want to look impressive in the mirror in your new clothes, it should be so you can look at yourself and say, “DAMN, I look good.”
You should do it for yourself, not for someone who clearly doesn't deserve you anymore.
Plus, there are other ways to get back at an ex that is just as cutting as a banging body.
There's nothing more irritating to someone who broke up with you than seeing that you are OK without them.
Instead of plastering your sadness all over the internet for all to see, try to keep it to yourself and the people whom you trust.
Instead, post funny memes or happy statuses, even if you have to fake it until you make it.
If they can't see you hurting, they'll start to question their decision and think, “Damn, did they ever really even need me like that? They seem fine!”
Boom: total gratification on your end.
And once you start to feel like you're getting back into the swing of things, I would totally be petty and start posting about going out and having a good time.
Similar to when you kept your feelings private, they're going to see you going out to dinner with friends, watching the game at a bar, on a trip or enjoying a hot bath with a glass of wine and think they made the wrong choice.
You're fun, and you like to go out and do things. Should they call you?
Nothing is as frustrating to someone as seeing that you're moving on from the situation with grace and dignity.
In the bleeding, festering, open wound of social media that we live in today, it's easy for your ex to be petty and put you on blast or get some sort of perverse satisfaction from seeing you hurting without them.
Never indulge them in that.
Remind yourself that once you get over how you're feeling (because you will feel things, and you will get over it), you're going to come out better off than you were before.
If it wasn't meant to be, you have so many options ahead of you now.
You can focus on making yourself happy and being selfish for the foreseeable future. You can really think about what you want in a relationship after that.
You can go out and live your best life.
There are much amazing ways to throw it in your ex's face that they made a mistake (if you're into that sort of thing).
Don't put your body through the ringer just to prove a point.
If you want to get healthy, do it for you. Don't let someone else dictate how you should treat your body just because they upset you.
Do you, and they'll know that already.