I love compliments, even though I am pretty bad at taking them. If someone tells me I'm pretty, I will literally argue with them and make them aware of all of my flaws, until I've convinced them out of it. Low self-esteem — what a drug! However, there are still things women want to hear, especially from people they like, even if they're bashful about it. Compliments make the world go 'round.
There are some things you definitely should not say to the person you care about — you know, like, "you looked less weird in that other dress you tried on," or "I like you way more than my ex-girlfriend." Compliments shouldn't be backhanded, and they also shouldn't be too general. Something like "I like your hair" could be applied to anyone. It's nice to hear, but I know you've said that before.
A great compliment is specific, meaningful, and sincere. I know that it's meant for me, and for no one else. Maybe you tell your partner something you like that they do in bed, or you're proud of them for completing the big project they just struggled through at work. A good compliment shows you're paying attention. And who doesn't like knowing that they're being thought about?
So if you need a little inspiration, here are some genuine compliments women want to hear from the person they like.
1. "My Friends Love You"
One time, my ex had a big work party that he invited me to. He couldn't hang out with me much while he was there, so he pawned me off to his co-workers and friends, none of whom I knew prior to the event. I was incredibly nervous. We hadn't been dating long, and this felt like a big deal to me. What if we had nothing to talk about? What if they excluded me? What if they didn't even know who I was, or they had all been introduced to a different woman yesterday? (You never know these days.)
Of course, despite all my worries, I ended up having an amazing time. I exchanged numbers with several of his friends, and by the end of the night, we had our own inside jokes. My boyfriend came up to me to tell me his friends loved me, seemingly more than they even liked him. I literally felt like I had won an award. I didn't even care if my boyfriend liked me anymore! I had won over his friends. Game over!
Letting your partner know that your friends like them is validation that you're incorporating them into your life, and that things are getting a step more serious.
2. "I Like How I Can Be Myself Around You"
My last boyfriend used to say he loved our relationship because he felt he could truly be himself when I was around. He had been in love before, but he never felt like he could truly let his guard down all the way with other women. Granted, this meant that he burped in front of me a lot and felt entirely too comfortable pooping in my bathroom by our third date, but I'm glad he felt like he could be himself around me.
When you like someone, you want to be a safe space for them. You also want to be the person they go to for that safety and comfort, more than anyone else. So if you want to compliment someone, tell them that they provide that service for you in your life. It's one of the best compliments you can give.
3. "I Love How [Insert Unique, Positive, And Specific Compliment About Their Personality Here]"
I have this embarrassing habit of shaking my shoulders and snorting when I laugh. I look a little bit like a Tickle Me Elmo doll having a nervous breakdown. I personally find this trait of mine to be both incredibly annoying and embarrassing. I'm the type of person that, when you hear me laughing in a restaurant, you turn around to look. So whenever someone I'm dating (or anyone) tells me how much they love my insane, maniac giggle, it kind of melts my heart.
The best way to give a compliment is to make it specific and unique to the person you're giving it to. Tell them that you love something that they're probably insecure about. If they know you are in love with their flaws — or better yet, that you don't even see them that way — it will bring the two of you closer together.
4. "You're Really Talented"
The other day, a guy I am currently seeing nervously told me that he read a bunch of my articles and was really impressed by them. At first, I thought he was just saying that (again with me not believing anything nice I hear about myself), but then, he began referring to specific pieces, breaking down the parts he enjoyed, and telling me what he learned from them.
It's easy to be attracted to someone for what they look like, whom they hang out with, their clothes, or their dumb social media presence. But if you make an effort to get to know someone's work, hobbies, or passions, and engage them in conversation about it, you're showing a deeper level of interest that is more than superficial.
If you're looking to foster emotional intimacy with someone, complimenting something that they've put hard work and effort into is a great way to show that you are both thoughtful and are paying attention to every aspect of their being.
5. "You're So Beautiful"
OK, like I said, I want to be valued for my brains and amazing personality, but I also like knowing that the person I'm interested in finds me physically attractive. That's what differentiates a friendship from something more, and if I want something more from someone, I want them to tell me I'm purdy. Granted, that does not mean anything explicitly sexual, a request for nudes, or a random text saying, "Damn, girl, you fine."
Once, my ex (a writer for a television show) took me to an industry party that was filled with a bunch of very pretty actresses. At one point, he turned to me and said, "Wow, I can't believe I get to go home with the prettiest woman here."
Was that true? Absolutely not. But he made it clear that I was the most beautiful woman there to him, and in that moment, I needed to hear that. It's important to feel desired, lusted after, and wanted by the person you like back (consensually being the operative idea in this scenario). If you're seeing someone, let them know when you're feeling attracted to them. It's an important part of keeping the romance alive.
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