Have you given up on love? If you're like me, you've probably been told "there are more fish in the sea" too many times. That's sweet, but a fish won’t take me on a date and kiss me after. Why is this expression okay to use as frequently as it is? There are fish in the sea — but there are also sharks. Much like the reaction to the radioactive water from Fukushima, most fish see me coming and try to swim away as quickly as possible.
Yes, Grandma, I'm still single and I will probably never have a big wedding and I'll live with nineteen cats, cuddling with all of them while waiting for my Domino's delivery to arrive. Why do relatives pressure you into being in a relationship rather than pressure you to do something more realistic and controllable? Love is war and I'm the soldier with a sprained ankle who had to be sent back home.
Can you hear that chilling sound in the distance? That's the sound of my love life. Sometimes, love feels impossible when everyone around you seems to have already found it. Have fun making out with your boyfriend! I'll be over here trying to lick my elbow.
When you're single, it can feel like those around you are constantly getting into new relationships — I can barely get into my skinny jeans. Have you ever reflected about the people to whom you have been romantically tied to and how few blossomed into something more serious? Is it me? Is my hair styled too well? Is my incredible choice of wardrobe intimidating? These are some of the many questions you may be asking yourself, but don't fret and always look your best.
Sometimes, we just want to throw in the towel. Who needs love anyway? Despite what people think, love happens when you put a dollar into a vending machine and two bags of chips fall down. I've looked for love. But much like Amelia Earhart, I never found it. I have, however, been romantically tied to someone who made a voodoo doll of me, someone else who looked like Gary Coleman and someone else who had more wax in his ear than your local Yankee Candle store. Cinderella didn't have to deal with this sh*t.
More often than not, we meet those who we don’t want, rather than those who we do want. Prince Charming may never come, but Steve, who licks his fingers after every meal and makes his dog wear a sweater, most certainly will. There comes a time in your life when you have to embrace the notion that Adam Levine or Channing Tatum may never be a romantic option for you, but your friend’s distant relative, who is missing a tooth and works at the Olive Garden, is.
Despite what we've been told, fairytales don't always transpire. Are we raising our standards too high? Or are we forced to accept that our ideal man may not exist, and that someone with dry mouth and a third nipple is the closest to ideal we’re going to get. Why do we continue to expect Brad Pitt when the only man who seems interested is Danny DeVito? (And by we, I mean me.)
Finding the love of your life isn't anywhere near as easy as the movies makes it seem. I'm still sitting at the bar, waiting for my future husband to come up to me and tell me I'm drop dead gorgeous. (I'm still waiting.)
Many people resort to online dating applications like Plenty of Fish, Tinder or Match.com, hoping to find that special someone. But many times, these optimistic people find nothing more than disappointment. Using online dating to meet someone can go one of two ways: one of them involves you starring in the next season of "Catfish."
Be smart, be careful and don't get your hopes up! Something unexpected could be right around the corner. You never know what tomorrow might bring and you should never count on tomorrow because of today or yesterday. Will your dream fish swim your way? Ignore all the guppies, the clownfish and everything else because a merman with a six-pack and an underwater palace could be swimming your way when you least expect it — always have your best bathing suit handy.
Photo via We Heart It