10 Translations Of What Your 20-Something Girlfriend Is Really Saying

by Contributing Writer

Women: You can’t live with them; you can’t live without them. You can, however, attempt to understand them -- and by understand them, I mean accept that you’re more likely to experience the ultimate plot twist (read: a satisfied girlfriend) than to understand a woman (read: it will never happen).

As a member of the male sex, you just aren’t wired to realize the difference between a text that reads “Kk” and one that's limited to a “K." Refer to the following cheat sheet if you need a little help when it comes to understanding what your girlfriend is really saying at times:

1. “Wait… What?”

A woman’s senses are second to none. If she can smell that another girl made you laugh hours after it’s happened, she most certainly heard whatever you just said to her.

She’s not asking you to repeat yourself; she’s just giving you a chance to rethink whatever you just told her and to consider retracting it.

2. “I’ll just have a bite…”

If your girlfriend tells you she’s not very hungry, she’s lying through her teeth. We’re always hungry; we’d gut you without hesitation if it meant we could eat fries every day for the rest of our lives without suffering the caloric consequences.

3. “Have fun.”

You’re out with the rest of the guys and you offer to grab the next round, when your phone lights up with a text from her. It seems innocent enough, right? Wrong.

There’s a reason girls close their eyes during sex: We don’t like seeing you guys enjoy yourselves unless we’re enjoying ourselves just as much as you are.

4. “Does this make me look fat?”

This is a trap and, whether you realize it or not, a test of your emotional intelligence. Avoid the question altogether, unless you’re fully prepared to get extremely well acquainted with your hand for the next month.

5. “Ew.”

This could mean she’s completely repulsed, or just slightly irked. It could be directed at you, herself in an ill-fitting dress, that the purse she HAS to have might that cost her a month’s rent, the douchebag hitting on her best friend, a lack of wine or the fact that Starbucks doesn’t serve pumpkin spice lattés year-round.

6. “Did you get my text?”

It’s 2014. A hovercraft is actually a thing nowadays. Of course you got her text. What she’s really asking is, “If you’re not replying to my text, you must be planning your own funeral, then, right?

7. “I’m fine.”

She is most definitely not fine. This doesn’t necessarily mean it’s because of you and you need to fix it. She simply wants you to recognize how she’s feeling without her having to inform you why she’s feeling that way. Hint: Oftentimes, even we don’t know why we’re feeling a certain way; we just do.

8. “Do whatever you want.”

If number seven on this list is a red flag, number eight qualifies as a yellow one. Do not do whatever you want, unless you want to end up on an episode of “Snapped.”

9. “You’re not listening to me.”

If the male sex does, in fact, have a superpower, it’s probably selective hearing. I can’t help but admit that I’m sure it has its perks, but an angry girlfriend is not among them.

10. “What are you doing?”

In case you didn’t already know, guys, one of your girlfriend’s favorite hobbies is finding out what you love to do and seeing if you ever choose her over it.

All jokes set aside, you’re probably on her mind or she just misses you. At the end of the day, she wants to be included in your day in some way or form, whether it’s a casual text or a dinner date.

Photo via Tumblr