In the world of dating and courtship, there is a very fine line between pursuing someone and harassing them. Of course, we all like to be pursued to some extent, but there’s a limit to what’s acceptable behavior when attempting to woo and what will only evoke reactions of pity or disgust.
From the typical pick-up line to subtle yet telling compliments, or in some cases a small gesture like buying a drink, the genuine approach will often get the best reaction. Be truthful, be yourself. Picture what you would want a complete stranger of the opposite sex to say to you that would help ease the tension of the environment.
The goal is to get the message across as to why you chose to approach her and not someone else. This is why it's important to single her out in a way that lets her know why you wanted to talk to her. Maybe you overheard her conversation about a topic you have a knowledge of, or maybe you just couldn't stop staring at her smile or her hair. If you want her to know that you think she's hot and genuinely seems like a good time, find some way that you can tell her this without being too vague or too blunt.
I know it sounds complicated at first, but all you have to do is listen to your instincts and connect what your heart wants to say with your mind. Add a filter and some common sense and you're golden. Remember, you want to be comforting, not creepy.
Taking the “bull in a china shop” method, on the other hand can be reckless and usually annoying. Most men make the mistake of being crass or too aggressive. After all, what primarily differentiates a suitor from a creep is that a creep just says whatever he thinks at the precise moment the thought arises. As I said before, the suitor lets his subject know that he is in fact aware of the rules and types of code described in this very article. The suitor, unlike the creep seems in control of both himself and the situation at hand.
Don’t get me wrong, you don’t want to come off as weak because nothing beats a strong and confident man, just know that there is a limit. If she firmly tells you she’s not interested, or ignores you after your first three attempts, that’s probably a clear sign that you’re wasting your time.
On the other hand, if she playfully tells you to stop, or touches your arm, she might be slightly open to your advances, watch for these cues. A woman’s tone of voice and body language can generally be a good indication of how she really feels, so pay attention. This usually indicates that you're treading on the borderline and she cannot determine whether you're a suitor or a creep just yet. Look at this as your chance to prove why you're observant but also ballsy and dangerous enough to play her game.
It should come as no surprise that all women like a man who listens, if she sees you’re really listening, and responding to her with witty and charming banter, you just might seal the deal. Also, observe or comment on something you’ve noticed about her, but be respectful, complementing her on her cleavage or firm backside may very well get you slapped.
You don't want her thinking you're only going to be paying attention to the way her body looks the entire night. Besides, who knows what to expect from someone who think it's acceptable to come clean about their primal attraction to a girl's chest or rear end.
Every woman is different though, some may not mind a sexual overture or smart ass remark, but proceed with caution, once she sees you as a rude and disrespectful jerk, you may have destroyed your chances. The very act of chasing a woman, calling her when she does not call you back and trying to force progress by initiating excessive calling and texting can be creepy.
This can some across as needy and insecure which is a red flag for most women, and can be an indication of the type of man you are. Sometimes you have to know when to take a hint, once you realize your advances are unwelcome, back off.
Karissa Kindy | Elite.