Seduce Her And Wall Street In One Go
While your mastery of the skill of seduction and the ability to write a killer cover letter may range from as easy as reciting your ABC's to as complicated as mastering an advanced language course in Mandarin, a little help never hurts. Seducing a woman in a bar is similar to impressing a future employer: one’s goal is to introduce oneself, impress the recipient and, most importantly, gain the desired position.
And this tenet holds true in both a professional and romantic context.
Typically, the cover letter involves three phases: an introduction, body and conclusion. So let's have a look at a cover letter in finance in order to discern how the techniques used to gain employment can be applicable in courting a date.
1. Introduction
When addressing the recipient, a little explanation as to how they grabbed your attention is in order: “I heard about your firm at the Robin Hood foundation Gala, in a conversation with Warren Buffet." When used approaching a woman this line could translate into: “I spotted you from across the bar, and I am sure I’ve seen you before. You have have an amazing charisma." And just like that you will have established a connection.
You start out the first paragraph by stating your case in a polite manner: “With the ambition to take part in your prestigious firm, I am writing to you to offer my skills that are the best in the business." It does not hurt to open up boldly, just like you would beautiful women. Trust us, Human Resources panders tons of losers trying to impress them daily. You need to offer something refreshing.
Therefore in a romantic context, approach the object of your consideration and throw in: “You are the sexiest woman in this bar, so I would like to offer you a drink." The woman –flattered by your compliment and interested in free alcohol – will open up for conversation. However, you will have approximately seven seconds from this point onwards to woo the receiver (according to studies, the equivalent of how quick you zap between tv- channels).
So express adoration. “Being very impressed by your track record of clients and net earnings” should translate into: “I must say that you are a bombshell; those are the most amazing pair of legs I’ve ever seen." Sweet-talking your target will make them loosen up, and buy you time.
When continuing, you need to make her understand that you are a catch too. “Having fulfilled a M.S in Financial Engineering at Columbia University (GPA of 4.0), and prior to that a bachelor in Law at the Sorbonne University in Paris” should translate into: “I just got out of the office, man it’s a lot of work being partner/VP! I shouldn’t complain though, a couple of weeks ago I sailed around Greece and Croatia with friends." In her mind, just like in the employer’s, these few and simple lines connote ambition, education and class. By now, you should have her and/or Goldman Sach’s HR’s full attention.
2. Body
You should go further into detail concerning your professional experience in the body paragraph by highlighting how it can benefit the company. “Having initiated and managed a firmwide plan that enabled the firm to cut expenses by $10 million over only 2 years, I was then in charge of expanding our presence in the MEA region which led to an increase in revenue of another $40 million. I now look forward to bringing my expertise into your company."
In the seduction phase, you replace these numbers with “I spent my summer of 2011 in Italy and visited Milano, Genoa, Portofino and San Remo in only five days. I then drove my Jaguar 1956 Roadster back to Monaco and stayed for another week at the Hôtel Metropol. Oh, I also hung out with Chris Tucker. While there, I also helped increase my now ex-girlfriend’s shoe closet ad absurdum. I now look forward to doing that again, in your company."
Highlighting an achievement and its successful outcome will help the beneficiary understand that you are able to increase their portfolio/vacation spot options. This section should be used to draw attention to your core competences: “snowballing cash flow, slashing variances against the budget and jacking up customer satisfaction is what I do best."
Or, in other words: “I can make a killer French omelette, I beat the Winklevoss-brothers in rowing and Richard Branson has me on speed-dial." Brag with modesty and make sure you can deliver, otherwise you will end up getting the boot/stiletto. A storyteller belongs at the dinner table, not in the board or bedroom.
3. Conclusion
This paragraph should be used to sum up what you just said in your introduction and body. “Given my education and background in finance and international law, I welcome the opportunity to discuss the position with you further” will translate into: “Given the fact that you are such an exquisite woman, I would like to invite you to dinner/my apartment/St Barth’s to get to know you further."
“Do not hesitate to contact me to schedule an appointment” can be condensed into: “Here’s my business card."
Similar to the employer, she will google you to confirm your credentials. So take those trashy Champagne-war pictures with Tara Reid off the net. People who starred in Celebrity Rehab will impress neither Lloyd Blankfein, nor the woman of your dreams.
Remember, just like the cover letter, the business card needs to express quality. Otherwise it will go straight into the trash-bin/the bottom of her Chanel-handbag. Any trained, female eye can spot a business card made on Zazzle.com from a mile away. One intuitive waft will be redolent of amateurism.
Giving a woman your card should be followed by a concrete invitation. If you fail to do so, do not expect a lady of dignity to pick up her phone. Just like the employer, she will not give you a call unless she feels that you are the man for the job.
Follow up:
Congratulations, you have made it through the door on Wall street, or she has made it into your Park-and-something-apartment. There’s still work to be done, though – unless you want “idiot” written across your resumé in red ink, or from the red wine that spilled on your pants from an enraged attack. However at this point, all you need to do is be a gentleman and crack some jokes. Pulling out your guitar to sing a romantic song is a good idea in a romantic atmosphere, but I would not advice it during a job interview. Don’t forget to ABC: Always be closing the meeting, or the blinds.
