It seems like only yesterday, women would wait by their phones for hours on end after meeting a guy, wondering why he hadn't yet called. However, the tides have turned and it's become increasingly popular for the players to be played by the playettes.
Women gloat about giving out their numbers, despite never intending to reply (assuming he makes contact, of course).
Having been guilty of this myself, I feel that I owe an explanation and apology to those with whom I've stupidly shared my number and then promptly snubbed.
Dear Random Number,
Firstly, I would like to start by applauding you. It requires a lot of courage to approach someone you consider to be attractive and I, for one, would never have had the guts to do what you did. It's admirable, to say the least, and I praise that characteristic in people.
Please, whatever you do after this letter, never lose that quality. Regardless of how many women may reject you, never let it knock your confidence. It may seem difficult to comprehend, but it will ultimately make you stronger.
So, what if a girl didn't reply? There are other fish in the sea; you'll be okay!
I should also take this opportunity to thank you. There's nothing more flattering than getting all dolled up and feeling appreciated. It's a huge confidence boost for women to feel admired and desirable to men and the fact you have gone out of your way to address me, especially when you could have chosen anyone else in the room, makes me feel special.
So, thank you; I honestly really appreciate it. However, I now need to express that whilst I may have upheld conversation, seemed interested and, indeed given you my number, you will not hear from me.
"Why?! That makes no sense!"
I did like you, but there's no way that scenario can repeat. You see, you and I met while we were out. Alcohol increased your confidence and I uncomfortably hid behind a barrier of makeup. Who is to say that you'll still like me Thursday over coffee?
There will be no booze to enhance my beauty through your beer goggles (or hopefully not at 11 am, anyway), no clever lighting to hide my blemishes, no over-the-top eye makeup and no figure-hugging, flattering dress with the right bits revealed. Just me. Au natural.
The thought of letting you down in person is just too much to stomach, so I'm sorry for my silence, but it's better for the both of us.
"But I thought we had a connection?"
Contrary to popular belief, I am not playing games, nor am I trying to seem "hard to get." Getting a number unfortunately doesn't automatically mean that a girl likes you. Many of us give out our numbers often and we don't reply because we're too afraid to reject you.
I apologize for being cowardly; it just seems nicer and more respectful to be polite and sociable with someone who has come over specifically to talk to you. This way, we will both enjoy each other's company over some small talk and then leave the night on a high.
Similarly to the flattery I felt after you approached, I hope you experienced the same when you obtained my number. It would have been mean to turn around and tell you to go away, and I don't ever want to intentionally hurt anyone.
At least this way, you have my number and can go on to the next girl who catches your eye rather than feel deflated and bothered because I was awful.
"Why would you give your number and refuse to respond?"
Despite the fact that we had a lot to say the other night, I really don't feel like speaking. If I reply, there's a chance that we may end up playing a game of one million questions and I'm, quite simply, not interested. Getting to know someone new means constructing lengthy messages with appealing answers and that is far too time-consuming.
"Composing a text doesn’t actually take that long."
Maybe I am just really busy! I’m not by my phone all day, as I have things to do. Sometimes, I put my phone aside and intend to respond later, when I have a moment.
Truthfully, by the time I do eventually get around to it, I'm just too tired, and by the next day, I've forgotten. I'm sorry, I realize that time stands still when you're waiting for a reply, but when you're busy, it flies. Trust me.
"Are you actually not interested?"
I could be on my period, having a fat day, be feeling weird or flakey, into someone else or all of the above. However, it’s likely that none of those are true. If I wanted to text you back, I would, but please don’t hate me for being kind to you when we met. It's just common courtesy not to be outwardly rude.
"I just want to talk to you. I'm not being pushy."
Whining and whining will not merit a reply. It is not appealing when a man is constantly complaining. It's annoying and, quite frankly, desperate. The more you continue to pursue my attention, the more I will refuse. Also, trying to make me respond by guilt-tripping me with your "I know you've been really busy as of late, but..." will incite the opposite of your desires.
Wording in this manner leaves me no option but to reply with "I'm sorry" and human beings are notoriously bad at addressing emotions, so it's simpler not to try this route. These sorts of tactics are comparable to a yappy Jack Russell and it’s irritating.
"Fine, be like that. Your loss."
I'm sorry; I get that a lack of response can seem rude, ignorant and frustrating. But, there is no reason to get angry. Ultimately, I do not know you. You're a complete stranger. Becoming irate and snappy won’t woo me or illuminate to me how wonderful of a guy you are.
Bottom line: There are a few reasons why I refuse to respond to random numbers, despite my habit of dishing out my digits. When there’s no history or emotion on the line, it’s kinder to let people believe you misplaced your phone than to confront them.
I sincerely apologize to those affected by my anti-social actions and would like to reiterate that not all girls are like me. Please do not be disheartened. Move on. It's not detrimental to your life that I didn't manifest into something more than a conversation.
Forget about me and find someone who’s interested. You'll know who she is; she'll reply.
All the best,
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It