Why Men Love Being Whores

Women, women, women- this is basically what men think about, all the time. At work, at the gym, in the shower, on the ceramic throne, we really do have women on our mind almost constantly.

According to a study from Ohio State University, men think about sex every 4,275 seconds- roughly once every hour. You want to know why men love being the man whores that we are? Because we’re obsessed with sex and women. It’s not our fault. As always, women are the ones to blame.

Men were blessed with superior strength, speed and aggressiveness. Women, on the other hand, were blessed with being the most beautiful creatures on the planet. There is literally nothing more beautiful than a naked woman- nothing.

The curves, the swells, the petite bone structure… it’s enough to make a man go crazy. And it does. You can’t blame anyone for wanting such perfection for himself. Even some women, the smart ones, realize how incredibly intoxicating a women’s body can be and decide to join the dark side.

Now when I say that women are to blame, I mean it. How dare you parade around in your mini skirts, booty shorts, low cut tank tops, skin tight tights that make your asses look like plump apples, and then have the audacity to blame us for not being able to keep it in our pants? Have you seen yourselves?

I for one don’t know how you manage to even make it out of the apartment; if I were in your place, after checking myself out in the mirror I would just get undressed and pop some new batteries into my friend The Rabbit.

Men are impossibly egocentric beings. We tend to only think about ourselves and what we want. Luckily or unluckily for the opposite sex- we want you, ladies. You are on the top of our shopping list. To be honest, you are items 1 through 10 on the list.

Yes, we will be satisfied if we are able to pick one of you up, but if we could get our hands on two? Or three? Or twenty? I’m getting all tingly just thinking about it. Men’s lust is unquenchable. Sure, we may be out of service for 15 to 20 minutes post meal, but give us a second to digest and regroup and believe me, we will come in for seconds and thirds.

Men love women. We never get enough. We love looking at them, touching them, and fucking them. I hate to objectify women, but the truth is if we are not dating you then that’s exactly what you are to us. Don’t get all pissy and pout. Ladies- there is no way that you can tell me that when you go out to pick up a guy, or the more likely case- to get picked up by a guy, just because you want to be fucked, that you are using him as anything but an object.

It is this ridiculous misconception that causes all the problems for both sexes. Women are believed to be innocent creatures that would never resort to the sort objectification that men do- women relish this view. But because of this view, when you do whore around, you get shit for it. Men, on the contrary, are believed to always objectify women.

So when we go and whore around like the sluts that we are, we aren’t shunned, we are praised. Why do men love being such whores? Because we get to fuck sexy, beautiful women- lots of them- and then be awarded the highest title attainable by any man: the title of Grand Daddy Pimp. And that’s why we keep pimpin’.

Paul Hudson| Elite