Be A Man, Not An Ass: 4 Ways Guys Can Better Communicate With Women

by Sebastian Scholl

When I was younger, my father taught me to look a person in the eye when shaking hands and to always give a firm grip. He taught me this so that whether I later became the President or a plumber, an introvert or extrovert, I’d always have an invaluable communication tool.

A handshake is a man's go-to method for demonstrating that he is strong and confident. If you give someone a proper handshake, neither your area code nor occupation will matter. It will demand for you a certain level of respect.

Most dating and relationship advice for men is trash. All of it can usually be boiled down to buy better clothes, get abs or act cocky.

I’d never say that being cocky, ripped or well-dressed won’t help you attract women, but for men who actually want to learn — not change — such cliché solutions are rarely the answers to their issues.

If you are one of those guys — the ones who need to learn how to interact, not just change their appearance — your point of failure has likely not been what you thought it was.

More likely, it's that you don’t have a clue about how to communicate with women. And, I say communicate because whether or not you want to take her to dinner, bed or church, getting the point across can seem like an insurmountable feat.

Unlike most of the tips out there that are misogynistic, I’m offering some straightforward advice regarding how to better communicate with women. And, in doing so, I won't ask you to change.

The following has nothing to do with throwing away your cargo shorts, getting a new gym membership or awkwardly transitioning into a tough-love kind of guy.

Just like knowing how to give someone a true handshake — one that demonstrates you are a strong and confident man — the following are communication rules for you to internalize, and hopefully, they will increase your success with women:

Rule 1: Give every question an answer

Don’t mistake being considerate for being an indecisive pussy. And, I chose those words carefully, because no man wants to think of himself as an indecisive pussy. Guys have been encouraged to believe that being thoughtful and considerate is asking a girl how she feels or what she wants.

Quite simply, this is false. Most of the time, girls (and guys) have no idea how they feel or what they want. So, if a girl asks where you want to go for dinner, the wrong answer is, “I don’t know, what do you feel like?”

There are two roles that a man and woman must fulfill in every decision they make: They’re the roles of the Decision Maker and the Option Creator.

It is a man's job to be both the Decision Maker and the Option Creator until the woman assumes a role(s), or opts to be neither. And, if that doesn’t make sense to you, just remember to never answer a question with a question.

Rule 2: Talk, don’t interview

This can be difficult and just like a good handshake, it takes time to develop. All of us have been told that it’s important for women to feel like we're interested in who they are.

Unfortunately, guys have completely taken this the wrong way. And, the result has been millions of dates and encounters that ended with a feeling no more fulfilling or comfortable than a job interviews.

Conversations are how you get to know people. And, being engaged in a conversation with someone shows that you’re interested — whether that interest is in opinions, beliefs, being or vagina. Of course, questioning is a component of having a conversation.

But, asking bland questions that often receive short, one-word answers doesn't show a girl that you’re “interested” in her. They more often than not make her feel uncomfortable, interrogated, on-the-spot and make talking to you feel like nothing more than her burden.

Rule 3: Never argue with logic

A women's emotions are never wrong. They are also never right. They are simply obstacles around which men must acknowledge and maneuver.

Never, ever, try to impress a girl with your "intellect" by logically breaking down her emotions to prove they are either unfounded or irrational. Simply take the time to acknowledge them, possibly sympathize, and move on.

Men tend to make the fatal flaw of believing they can help women by rationalizing their feelings for them. This has never worked and it never will. If a girl doesn’t like something — or someone — explaining to her that there is no “reason” to feel that way is Mission Impossible VI.

This has nothing to do with not caring and everything to do with keeping your mouth shut — and potentially saying, “don’t worry, I understand."

Rule 4: Stop saying sorry

Sorry is an overused word that has become nearly meaningless. More often than not, you are sorry when you don't feel the least bit apologetic, but you just don’t know what else to say. 

And, all the girls I’ve asked have agreed that a guy who says sorry before and after every sentence simply comes across as lame.

Don’t apologize for not knowing something she never told you. Don’t apologize if you have a contrasting opinion. Don’t apologize about doing something you want to do. And, save all of those apologies for when you forget her birthday.

Photo Courtesy: Tumblr