Do We Ever Really Get Over Her?

by Anonymous

It's hard for a lot of men to settle down in a committed relationship because sometimes, the girl they are settling down with isn't really the girl they want to be with at all. There is in fact another woman who lives within virtually all of their actions and thoughts, because for a period of time, the idea of this girl was vastly enriching everything this guy thought or did.

She was perfect for him, and every other girl he meets or even forms a romantic relationship with is simply a cheaper version or substitute for the girl who effected his life in a way he couldn't have imagined. He still has feelings for her and therefore can never truly give himself to somebody else because a big part of his mind will still be occupied by the memories he had with this one person. If she was so perfect, why did he let her go? He didn't. She's the one that got away.

I have some friends who are in their late twenties or early thirties and are now seriously thinking of getting married, considering the fact that most of our parents got married as young as their early twenties. They know that starting a family is necessary for them to have the life they have always desired, yet the one that got away still stands as an obstacle in their quest to find someone to settle down with. It's hard to blame them, since this was the only girl they ever dreamed of marrying in the first place and the act of starting a family with someone else feels wrong and unfulfilled.

I have seen men walk away from relationships that lasted many years because even though they seemed to have something solid going for them, they were merely spending endless nights trying to come to terms with the fact that they were still in love with someone who they hadn't seen or talked to in such a long time. They can't escape their feelings and thought which will continue to haunt them if they attempt to spend their lives with someone who isn't the girl that got away. She left him and unknowingly fucked up the rest of his life as he knows it.

If your looking for a stat here to just base it off of,  less than 2% of men stay with their high school sweet heart, which means 98% are fucked in the head, still trying to get over the one that got away.

Do we ever really get over her?

Men don't want to appear weak and will never say that they can't get over someone.. The one that got away is considered the best we have ever had in every regard. Also, as alpha males when we lose something we take it personal. When we are wrongfully deprived of something that was vastly improving our everyday lives, we view the loss as a scar that life burned on us for no reason. If we can't figure out why we deserved to be in pain like this, the absurdity of it all will never be forgotten.

The heart ache and mental workout we received afterwards never really ends, it just subsides little by little. To us men, not only do we see this as losing something we are entitled to but also losing someone we actually care about which makes it that much worse. I can safely say most of the men I know have never really gotten over their first true love. Of course they all currently resent her and say they hate her but I can bet money on the fact that if they had the chance they would take her back in a heartbeat.

She is a roadblock

The one that got away is a huge road block in many men's lives. She interferes in our focus, perception and ability to acquire new knowledge that disagrees with what our experiences with her taught us. Any girl we have after her we just see as a filler and nothing more. We as men try to make a real relationship out of it and might try to have feelings for her but after a few years of the same mental games, we walk away and realize we never loved this new girl to begin with. It's like a David and Goliath fight only this time, David doesn't win. I have seen men call off weddings because of this exact road block.

I have also seen men who have been with a girl for 3 years just simply wake up one morning and walk away for the same reason. The common excuse is the usual  "she was great but she just wasn't for me". Funny thing is that it takes men around 2 years to realize that because they keep trying to get over the one that destroyed them. The problem is, men tend to be consumed with guilt while being with someone they don't really love and feel bad for wasting their time even though they don't care for this person at all. The problem is most men are this fucked in the head.

Moving forward

For men, moving forward is tough. Some even regress and try to go back to trying again with the one that got away. Most men will gladly take them back if they had the chance and if not they become comfortable with being a bachelor because it allows them enough time for trial and error in replacing the one that got away.

That's the advice I give to anyone who just can't make it work with their first and only love. Keep trying, and keep searching. Fill your life with so many prospective women that you'll always be entertained with the chance of getting over the one and only.

Chase Hitchens | Elite.