I’ve always said this: having a girlfriend is good for the soul. You start to think less about yourself, and more about other people. When you have a girlfriend – your wants, hopefully, will come second to hers.
At least if you’re a good boyfriend. Well, a lot of us are. And, sometimes, it would appear, that a lot of our girlfriends want to take selfies. So, following the aforementioned logic – by submitting to your girlfriend’s wants – you’ll also become subject to selfies... all f*cking day.
It really doesn’t make any sense, but neither does the entire premise of conception – and, over time, I’ve learned that asking questions (regarding the wishes of your bae) never leads to anything good.
Therefore, we smile, make a duck face, throw up an awkward peace sign, and do a variety of other cringe-worthy things in front of the iPhone’s retina camera lens – to satisfy our loved ones. Aren’t we special?
Special, maybe, but at ease? Hell to the no. For the most part, dudes loathe taking selfies with their girlfriends – especially when the amount of appearances you make on her Snapchat story outnumber the total times you’ve had sex in the past month... by about tenfold.
Seriously, when you’re the only couple who gets photographed more than Kanye and Kim – and you don’t even have paparazzi – you start to better understand Lord Yeezus’ public tantrums.
So this one goes out to the ladies with the itchy picture-fingers, who double as their own Terry Richardsons when out with their boyfriends. Here’s exactly what’s going through our heads… every time.
50. Huh – what’s up, baby girl?
49. Jeez, she wants to take a picture.
47. Like, right now?
46. Uhhh, I’m not sure why... we literally aren’t even doing anything.
45. I’m serious. We’re just sitting.
44. But, if it’ll make you happy, then whatever.
43. She’s lucky I love her.
42. One second, I’ll ask that guy over there to take it for us.
41. Oh, a célfie?
40. She wants to take a célfie.
39. Jesus Christ, babe, not another célfie.
38. We literally JUST took one before lunch...
37. ...and the check hasn’t even come yet.
36. All right, are we going to pose here, or wha – oh, okay, duck faces it is.
35. I’m confused why we have to take a picture together every time we eat a meal.
34. I wonder what my boys will think... I hope they understand.
33. Yes, babe, the mimosas are visible.
32. If she makes me move the plate of avocado toast into the purview of the iPhone, I swear I’m done.
31. Yep, she did.
30. Ferk, I can’t NOT take this picture – I’ll be in kangaroo court for months.
29. The last time I said no to a selfie-op, she didn’t talk to me for weeks…
28. ...and started favoriting my best friend's tweets.
27. Wait, where is SHE going?
26. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about her “good side.”
25. I look so ridiculous right now.
24. She’s doing the duck face; I can’t do the duck face.
23. God, I have ZERO duck face game. I just end up looking like I need a laxative.
22. I'll do the Putin face instead.
21. It’s simple; you just furrow your brow and snarl subtly.
20. Yeah, like the “smelling onions” face... mixed with the weight of all the KGB’s secrets.
19. It usually photographs well.
18. I wonder which social media platform she’s gonna post this to. The possibilities are endless.
17. I mean, if we’re going through with this, I’ll be heated if it’s only for a three-second Snapchat.
16. And I usually crush the Putin face, especially in this lighting, so let’s hope it’s Instagram.
15. IG is usually good for a couple requests from her camp friends, too, so yeah – that’s a plus.
14. Babe, you don’t need to do the “skinny arm”; we can barely fit both of our faces on the screen.
13. Oh, okay, cut off half of my f*cking face for your arm. Great.
12. Did she take it?
11. Nevermind, she’s “taking a couple.”
10. I’m going to ask to see it... then drop the phone.
9. Yep, right on the 8-megapixel iSight camera. Mhm.
8. Oh my God! I dropped it? I’m soooo sorry, babe.
7. That’s the end of that, phew.
6. Oh, you have an upgrade?
5. You’re getting the iPhone 6?
3. And they upgraded the camera on it?
2. Well, that backfired.
1. F*ck my life.