I haven't spoken to this boy in about two years. We ended things three years ago because he broke it off to be with another girl. We were together as teens all throughout high school, up until one month before graduation.
I know what you're thinking: How could he have been your first love? What did you really know at 17? Well, I didn't know much. But, I did know I was head over heels and ready to spend a lifetime with the kid. I just had too high of hopes that he felt the same.
So after our years apart, I'm single with some failed relationships behind me, and he's marrying this other girl. She's the new love of his life.
Here's what I would say to him, if I got the chance:
First of all, congratulations from the bottom of my heart. I put on the face that I hate you for what you did, but at the end of the day, I don't. I said I'd always love and care for you, and I'm still holding up my end of that bargain.
Truth be told, I never thought this day would come. I thought for sure you'd realize this wasn't right, come back and give us another try.
I believe many of my friends and family thought the same. Again, you surprised me. Even though you're not in my life these days, you still have the power to surprise me.
Sometimes I wish you'd show up — maybe for a day, an hour, a minute — just to ask me how I'm doing. I know you also put on the face that you strongly dislike me. But, I think you'd still like to see how I turned out.
I think you'd be really proud of me. I've overcome many things you told me I would, even though I doubted it. I've traveled. I've fallen in love with life, people, memories. I wish you could know that.
I wonder if you wonder if I'm OK. I'm fairly sure you don't really care anymore. You have a new person to focus that energy on, as you should. But maybe, every once in a while, your mind flickers back to me. Because of how deeply we loved each other, I think you must. I'll let myself believe it, even if it isn't entirely true.
Because I've changed so wildly, I wonder how much you've also changed. I hope it's for the good. Honestly, I've prayed it would be good. God says to pray for your enemies, and I've done just that.
I've prayed you would grow closer to God, your family and her. That you'd learn to love life, and that it would love you back. I prayed that if this relationship truly was meant to last, then it would.
It appears that it will.
Also, if you were meant to speak to me again, I wished you would. It appears you won't. But, I know now more than ever that's been for the best. We needed to be cut off. I really believe now that we would have ruined each other.
To almost quote Taylor Swift, "Our worlds moved too fast and burned too bright." You recognized that before I did. I remember watching you cry and cry as you spoke those words.
"This needs to be the end," you said.
I didn't understand why you were crying, I didn't understand why you really thought it needed to be done. Now, I do. When I see photos of you with her, I'm reminded of that. When I see photos of me with a brighter smile, I'm reminded of that.
I hope this life is good for you. I hope today is the happiest day that you've had so far. I know you and I had some great days, and it makes me smile to know that your wedding day will be even greater.
Mine will too, someday.
It was hard and messy, but we made it out alive. We're all OK now. We're exactly where we need to be.
Thank you for calling the end when it needed to be called. I would have never been strong enough to do so. After all this time, on this day, I can say confidently you made the right decision.
Good luck. You'll still be in my thoughts and prayers time to time, and I hope I'm in yours, too.
Someone who wasn't meant to stay after all