The Hookup Killed The First Date: Why We Don't Go On First Dates Anymore

Tell people you had sex last night, they won't show the faintest bit of surprise. Tell people you went on a date, they’ll freak out.

What do you mean? You went to dinner? You paid how much? Was it awkward? Are you going to keep doing it? Did you get any after?

There are so many questions and so many details. Because, I mean, honestly, who goes on dates anymore?

We live in a society in which eating dinner with people is more intimate than having sex with them. Sharing a meal is as personal and intense as sleeping in their bed for the night. Making a reservation is as forward as making a move.

The entire idea of it makes us uncomfortable. It’s something we dream about doing, like dancing in the rain or standing outside someone’s window with a boom box, but when it comes down to actually doing it, we decide we’d rather not.

Because dinner is old -- dinner is antiquated. Dinner is something you do if you really want to get laid. Dinner is something that only the guys who are trying really hard need to attempt. Dinner is something that requires some real human contact. Dinner is intense.

For as bold and powerful as Millennials claim to be, we’re terrified of anything that’s a little bit out of our comfort zone. The influx of technology has made us soft and weak.

We can’t fathom actually talking to people or looking at them away from a screen. It’s like the real life versions of them are just too much.

But we’ll have sex with them. Oh, we don’t mind not looking at them while having sex. We can get drunk with them, pour back some drinks and follow them home only to wake up and wish we kind of got to know the person we just slept with.

That’s the culture we've created, unfortunately. Sex first, date second — if there ever even is one.

I wish I could rally to bring it back, but I think it’s too far gone. We’re too far gone. So for now, we can just theorize all the reasons we will give our children when we tell them the story of how the hook-up culture killed the first date.

Because you have sex before you hang out

The whole point of a date is to see if you want to have sex later. It’s classy foreplay that lasts for upwards of three hours.

It’s witty banter and funny stories that are supposed to make you as horny as the classy-ass wine you’re pouring back.

Because alcohol

We live in a culture where we’d rather just go to a club, get hammered and find someone to have blacked out sex with.

We would rather not remember it than deal with remembering all the little details of a first date.

Because you only exchange numbers the morning after

Most of the time, numbers are not even exchanged, usually they are just thrown out as a courtesy the next day.

Because what’s the point in calling after you’ve already gotten what both of you want?

Because we’re all in debt

There’s no denying it, we’re all piss broke. Between the student loans, start-up salaries and entry-level positions, we’ve barely got enough money to feed ourselves.

Taking someone to dinner to find out you don’t even like him or her just seems like throwing money away we could have spent on a ticket to EDC.

Because we can’t get off our cell phones

Whether it’s before the date, after or during it, we never experience a first date because we never give it the attention it deserves.

You can’t say you were on a date if you spent the whole time looking at someone else’s profile.

Because you already "met" on Facebook

What’s the point of a first date if you already know everything about a person? You know her “likes,” his political views and her current employment.

You know where they live, where they went to high school and what event they’re attending next weekend. What else is there to talk about?

Because we value our time too much

On the possible chance that we won't hit it off, we feel it's better not to waste the time. If we're meant to hang out, it will happen naturally. Besides, we have an entire Netflix series to get through.

Because we’re very awkward

Not only have we forgotten how to spell, but we're not great at speaking anymore, either.

Texting has made us socially averse and anything that can't be translated with an emoji is hardly comprehensible anymore. Speaking without screen or alcohol is too uncomfortable for us.

Because it's just easier not to

We're really not into the stress of the whole thing. We'd rather not worry about where to go, what to wear or how to handle the awkwardness of the check.

There are just so many other things we could be doing than wondering if we have food in our teeth and if this date is going to end up where it started in the first place: the bedroom.