Are you with a guy who doesn’t seem to want to take the next step or a put a ring on it?
You may irrationally believe it’s because the sex is bad, there's another woman in his life or you’re not hot enough.
But, it may all boil down to finances.
PJ* is a financial services professional, and he has experienced firsthand the correlation between finances and settling down. He explains:
I deal with every type of family dynamic you can possibly think of. After some time in the industry, I started to notice a heavy correlation between how single men spend, save and invest their money and their dating or love lives.
Women are different when it comes to finances and love. For a woman, she can be unable to commit to paying her bills on time, but she can totally be down to commit to a man for life.
It’s the complete opposite for men.
If he cannot pay his bills 99 percent of the time, he won’t even commit to a six-month relationship.
There are several things that are taken into account when a man is analyzing his future and his finances with a woman.
According to PJ, these are the most common areas that men assess:
The Need To Be A Protector And Provider
By nature, men are wired to be providers and protectors.
This wiring goes all the way back to the era of the cavemen, when it was their job to provide food and shelter and protect their families.
Obviously, men are now more likely to light a fire with an iPhone rather than sticks and stones.
If a man can’t even afford to take you out on dates regularly, grace you with roses occasionally or surprise you with a birthday gift, he is not going to date you. Even if a woman can financially take care of herself, we need to feel that we are needed.
Men feel like losers if they cannot provide, and they lose touch with their masculine energy.
PJ claims when he tries to convince his single male prospects to consider investing early to have financial freedom later on in life, they will say something along the lines of, “I can barely provide for myself, let alone invest or begin to think about committing to any kind of relationship.”
When it comes to men in relationships, PJ finds they typically have a certain level of assets, investments or savings in place before they are comfortable taking the next step.
Bottom line: Men need to be financially secure in their own skin before they can fully commit to a woman.
If he won’t commit to his finances, he probably won’t commit to you.
His Partner's Finances
Unfortunately, your mounds of college debt may be getting in the way of your love life. Men do not wish to inherit loans, debt and a crappy credit score.
Most of my prospects and clients alike have some sort of student debt or credit card debt, whether they’re married or single. This goes for men and women alike. It puts me in a difficult position when I am educating them on achieving financial freedom, and they are constantly expressing their partner's financial burdens. This is what love and marriage is, and you are not the only ones taking this journey. And the single guys are aware of this, and it steers them away from having to experience what their ‘bro’ is going through.
Unless you are a trust fund baby or are dating a trust fund baby, your man will be watching how you spend your money. Too many shopping sprees and Starbucks runs could be a turnoff.
Bottom line: You need to have your finances together just as much as your man does.
Don't hide your debt or low credit score from him. Talk about it early on, and figure out a solution.
Waiting too long to address it could have a negative hindrance on your future together.
And lastly, here's some food for thought:
As a 30-year-old single man, PJ advises women to observe how the man or men in their lives manage their finances. He claims:
Men manage their love life like they manage their finances.
For example, a player will spend his money on going out, new toys and depreciating assets.
A more monogamous-minded man will make financially sound decisions for the family, and he will have a burning desire to build a financial and moral legacy.
* Name has been changed.