Real Talk: If He Doesn't GIve You An Orgasm, He Doesn't Love You
As cheesy as it may sound, true love is in the little things, because it's the little things that add up to something of substance.
Come with your Auntie Gigi, my sweet chickens; it's story time.
I often pester my married friends about their relationships. Marriage is a big f*cking commitment, so I want to know all the sh*t. But I hate asking because it's awkward: How did you know your husband or wife was "the one"? Were you ever like, “F*ck, maybe this isn't a good idea?”
The best, realest and most raw story I was ever told came from my friend Claire*.
It was pretty late at night, and she was horny AF. Her boyfriend, James*, was exhausted and didn't feel like doing the sex. Claire has a legendary libido (maybe that's why we're friends), and if she's ready and doesn't get off, she can't sleep. So she asked James to rub one out for her. He said he would before bed.
But when they got into bed a short while later, James promptly fell asleep, leaving Claire high and (wishing she were) dry. Get it? Because she was wet? LOL. I crack myself up.
She fell asleep after nearly an hour of disgruntled horniness and promptly forgot about being annoyed.
Anyway, the next morning, James brought Claire her coffee in bed, as he did every morning (I know, ladies, chill the f*ck out -- he's married AF) and gave her a kiss. He looked at her in the most earnest and loving way she had ever seen in their nearly two years together and said, “Claire, I'm really sorry I didn't get you off last night. I was really tired, but that isn't a good excuse. I should have.”
Claire is a hard b*tch, trust me. But she told that she was so filled with emotion at his incredible thoughtfulness that she actually cried, nearly spilling her coffee all over herself.
She cites this moment as THE moment -- the one when she knew James was going to be her husband. The fact that he cared about her needs and desires so much meant so much to her. It said everything about their relationship.
That, my friends, is the real sh*t. Love isn't all just cuddles and kisses and bullsh*t. Love is about fulfilling the sexual needs of your partner. I know finding "the one" means having that gut feeling and everything, but nothing is going to elicit that kind of knowing in me like a man who cares about my orgasms.
Sure, love is not all about sex, but making sure your partner orgasms and caring about his or her sexual satisfaction is about the trust testament to love that we have in 2016.
It contains so much meaning. It represents everything it means to be in love with your partner.
Because love is about being selfless.
In a world where so much is about self-promotion, choosing to satisfy someone else even if you're not in the mood is love. Love is about putting someone else's needs above your own.
If you don't really love your partner, you don't care if he or she has an orgasm. If you aren't down, that's all that matters. Love is choosing to make someone happy and satisfied because his or her happiness is important to you.
Because love is about making someone happy.
Love should make you happy, and it should make you want to make your partner happy. You know what brings happiness? Orgasms. You know what makes relationships miserable? Someone in that relationship feeling sexually unsatisfied.
If you're not down to have sex, just rub one out for your partner or assist in their masturbation fest. Make them feel wanted even if you're not super down tonight. Loving someone means boosting their confidence every chance you get.
Because love is about compromise.
It takes about five to ten minutes to manually produce an orgasm. It's really not that big of a deal. Honestly, in the grand scheme of things, what is ten minutes of your time?
Relationships are about compromise. It's the only way they can function properly and survive in the long term. In your relationship, the sex drives are bound to differ. I'm not saying you have to put out all the time, or that your partner has to put out all the time, but there has to be some level of compromise.
Even if it means rubbing one out for your boo, acquiescing to pass on sex tonight or whatever, you need to communicate and make sure everyone in your partnership is content.
Because love is about finally getting to be yourself.
When you find "the one," you should feel 100 percent comfortable being unabashedly and unapologetically yourself. Your partner is your best friend. This means talking about your needs and vocalizing what you want, need and crave.
If you deny your partner a much-needed orgasm on a regular basis (or vice versa), I can assure you that communication will falter. Being denied sex by your partner eats away at your confidence and ultimately your partnership. Once you're told “no” enough, eventually you stop asking.
You don't stop asking because you stop wanting sex, you stop asking because it hurts so much to be turned down by someone you love. True love means making sure everyone has an orgasm and that orgasm is about so much more than sex.
*Name has been changed.