Fearless Females: 4 Tips For Taking Charge And Making The First Move
I have a history of making the first move. My bold, first-moves lifestyle started in high school, when I finally got fed up with waiting around for the dudes I liked to get the hint.
Freshman year I decided to call up Carl, a senior who was in my drama class, and ask him out on a date. He politely declined, and while it was a little weird the rest of the semester, I wasn’t too broken up about it.
I mean, I wasn’t going to pine away after this guy who was dumb enough to pass me up. Besides, I was in high school, so I had another crush about three hours later, anyway.
Making the first move is scary, sure, but I’m so comfortable doing it now that I almost get a little pissed off when a guy beats me to it.
If you don’t feel like you’re confident enough to do it, then my only advice is simply to do it. I know, it's definitely not what you want to hear, but it's the only way to explore just how confident you are within your own skin.
My confidence can waiver day to day just like anyone else’s, but when I’m writing my phone number down on a coaster and sticking it in a guy’s shirt pocket or (if I’m feeling saucy) back pocket, I come off confident as hell.
Yes, it’s slightly frightening and you may have some cringe-worthy stories to relay to your friends later, but not knowing sucks more.
If I give my number to a guy and never hear from him, the answer to my inquiry is obvious: He’s not interested. I’m upset about it for maybe two seconds and then I move on.
Rejection hurts, but don’t take it personally and don’t dwell on it. You’re a total babe and anyone who isn’t excited by that isn’t worth any more time than you’ve already invested. If this is hard for you to remember, surround yourself with loving friends and family who will help remind you!
The main reason I like making the first move is that I’m going after what I want and I’m in control of it. Take these lyrics from Feist’s "I Feel It All":
“Ooh, I'll be the one who'll break my heart I'll be the one to hold the gun”
Besides being on the soundtrack for my life, this song always reminds me to not sit around and allow things to happen to me.
Instead, I make things happen -- good and bad -- and I am able to take responsibility for them. You get one short, lovely life to live, so you may as well put yourself out there and create the life you really want.
All you have to do is be honest with yourself and with others. If you think someone is cute, you had a great time talking to him or her and you’d totally like to hang out or, better yet, make out sometime, then say so.
We get so caught up in making a good first impression that we put on a bit of a mask sometimes and we forget that a simple, “Hey, I like you,” is refreshing, sweet and flattering.
The object of your affection will likely be taken pleasantly by surprise with your honesty. You’re young and you have better things to do than wait around and hope for the best. Instead, make it the best.
Now I’m not a big fan of dos and don’ts for dating; in reality, there aren’t any rules to dating. You’re welcome to take charge and ask other people out however you damn well please and with as much flair as you’d like.
Personally, I find beauty in the simplistic approach, one that gets overshadowed by other dating advice out there. Below are some crazy easy ways to work up your confidence in being direct with people. If you want a few bold first moves, just get back to basics. Go get ‘em, tiger!
1. Just smile and say hi.
Yes, seriously. We’ve all been there: We’re sitting on a train or waiting in line at the grocery store and we catch this cute person checking us out.
Chances are, he or she is dying to think of a clever opening line, but is failing under the pressure. He or she will be doing mental backflips when you step up and make an introduction, even if it’s just a “hello.”
The conversation could go anywhere, or nowhere, but don’t get hung up on that. Meetings and greetings are always charmingly awkward, so if you’re unsure of what to talk about, ask yourself, what it was about him or her that attracted your attention in the first place?
If things get weird and you can’t think of anything to say, be brutally honest: “I just had to introduce myself to you, because I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t.”
2. Ask for his or her number.
Ditch the clever pick-up lines and forget all the bullsh*t you’ve heard about body language signals. Just say, “Hey, I think you’re super cool and I’d like to hang out soon. Can I get your number?”
This works well because it’s the truth; you’re not playing coy or engaging in guessing games. Once you have his or her number, use it. Don’t wait three days like others might suggest; just give a call (preferred!) or text to set something up when you want to.
If he or she seems flaky, makes excuses or doesn’t get back to you quickly, then your answer is clear. However, if this person is in his or her right mind, of course he or she will want to hang out with you!
3. Write your number down for him or her -- old-school.
This is a personal favorite!
So you’ve been chatting up this babe at the bar, and the time has come for you to leave. Sure, you could just tell this person your number as he or she types it into his or her smartphone, but if you want to feel like a total minx, do this: Take the pen you used to sign your receipt, grab a napkin (or coaster), put down your name and number and hand to said babe.
Then, the next move is in his or her hands. This person will either call or not, but at least you did your part and you looked good while doing it.
4. Lay one on ‘em.
If you can sense an obvious chemistry between yourself and another person, there is no clearer way of saying “I want to suck your face,” than by actually doing it. High risk means high reward, my friends.
Photo via We Heart It