For the majority of us, dating and relationships have never been priorities in our lives.
I should know; I’m that girl in the group who is always single and constantly surrounded by friends in relationships.
Like many others, I’m a very independent person. I love my freedom and taking risks, and I can be stubbornly fearless at times.
But for some reason, when it comes to serious relationships, fear takes over.
Maybe it’s the thought of committing to one person for such a long time that terrifies me, or maybe it’s the fear of losing myself in the process of falling in love that makes me uncomfortable.
Whatever it is, it’s made me steer clear of having a serious relationship.
I have no trouble dating. I've dated my fair share of douchebags, but I've also dated really nice guys.
I’ve even dated someone I was so attracted to that every time I saw him, I would get butterflies.
However, each relationship had the same outcome: They never progressed.
I did get upset when things didn’t work out, but it never really bothered me as much as it should have. I would brush it off and go back to being my selfish, independent self.
I knew, deep down, one of the reasons I was able to let go so easily was because my fear of commitment convinced me I wasn't ready for anything serious.
It wasn't until I met someone completely different from the previous guys I've dated that I felt the need to face my fear, and change my attitude toward relationships.
Here are the reasons why:
1. One day, you will meet someone unexpectedly. You will have absolutely no control over what happens.
I had no idea this guy would make such an impact on my life.
I had just moved on from someone I had very strong feelings for, and at the time, all I wanted was to enjoy being single and venture out on my own.
I decided to plan a trip to South America. Not long after I booked my big trip, I met him.
I had no intentions of dating anyone, and I didn't want to develop feelings for someone just before I jetted off.
But, it felt right.
There was something about him that pulled me in, so I kept seeing him.
2. You start acting out of the norm.
I can be a very selfish person, especially in relationships.
I enjoy having my own life, so I expect the person I’m dating to be the same way.
However, when I was in South America, I found myself speaking to this guy whenever I could.
I became that annoying customer who always asks for the WiFi password, just so I could speak to him.
We weren’t just messaging or calling; we were constantly on Skype and sending photos to each other.
He was the person I looked forward to sharing my stories with, and I always wanted to hear about his day.
Not once did I think to myself, “Hang on. What am I doing? I’m committing to someone I hardly know.”
What we were doing felt right, and it all happened naturally.
3. Slowly, you find yourself opening up, layer by layer.
People who have been hurt before learn how to hide their true feelings, and they know how to protect themselves from being hurt.
After only a few months knowing this guy, I went to him whenever I needed someone to talk to.
I revealed so many things about myself, including the worst experiences I’ve ever gone through. These were things I never felt comfortable telling anyone else.
Unlike the other guys I’ve dated, he was very honest. He wasn’t afraid to hurt my feelings every time I asked for his opinion.
I trusted him completely. I felt safe whenever I was with him.
Not once did I feel the need to cover up who I was, even during my worst times.
For a while, however, I kept letting my fear circulate through me.
No matter how much I wanted to be with him, I still convinced myself I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I put my guard up and no longer expressed my affection toward him.
I avoided telling him how I felt, and I began breaking the promises I had made to him.
It wasn’t until he became distant that I realized I needed to face my fear in order to really give it my all.
Right now, I have no idea what the future holds for us.
We might end up together and be absolutely perfect for each other. We could end up just friends, or we might go our separate ways and never see each other again.
Anything could happen.
But for now, all I know is he made me want to face my fear and change for the better.
If you’re like me, just know there is absolutely nothing wrong with being independent and selfish.
When you meet someone you feel might change you for the better, don’t let the fear of commitment and the fear of "losing yourself" take over.
Go with the flow, learn to become vulnerable, and date fearlessly. If this person is the right one for you, he or she will understand and accept your ways.
Who knows? Your selfish and independent ways could be the reason he or she fell for you in the first place.