Why Our Fear Of Not Finding Love Is Actually Keeping Us From It

by Sarah Heath

It seems so many of us are terrified of not finding love, or, not finding love "while there is still time."

Where does this fear of not finding love, marriage or "the one" come from?

Does it come from a natural desire to find people to share our lives with? Or is it because we have been conditioned to believe finding those special people is a part of the process of life?

In my opinion, it's a bit of both.

Most people, myself included, often wonder what it would be like to be with a special someone.

There is nothing wrong with feeling that way. But devaluing ourselves when we don't seem to find true love right away is wrong.

When we are in this mindset, we tend to jump into many different relationships, and we put ourselves down for not having found this "real love" yet.

We look at the seemingly happy couples around us, at the displays of romance on television and in our favorite books, and we are constantly reminded we are single and, therefore, "alone."

So, we make plans to meet someone.

We online date, we join different groups or classes in the hopes of meeting someone and we make a serious effort to run into someone who might just happen to be the woman or man of our dreams.

Once again, there is nothing wrong with doing these things, but the reason behind why we are doing them usually determines our outcomes.

Are we doing it because we are afraid we are running out of time to find love?

Are we doing it because we feel inadequate being single? Or are we doing it for the fun of it?

When fear starts taking over, and we start hunting for the right people before our "time runs out," we are only going to attract temporary, not quite genuine emotion.

And that's if we find anything at all.

I find that most of the time, when we are frantically looking for something, we rarely find it. But when we stop looking it's suddenly right in front of us.

The sky is not the limit; your belief system is.

This quote really touches on the point I'm trying to get across.

Our beliefs lead our lives.

It's what we base our decisions on, and therefore, they determine how our futures are molded. Once we shift our beliefs, we see the most changes in our lives.

Most of us believe we have to get married and find people to love us.

If we don't, we have failed in some way.

That is simply not true.

These old ways of thinking are very rigid.

Marriage itself, in physical terms, is a piece of paper that, by law, binds two people together.

It is the idea of marriage, the thought of it, that makes it seem so romantic, and therefore coveted by most people.

Now, don't get me wrong; marriage can be an absolutely wonderful thing, and I am not bashing it in any way.

However, the fear of not getting married, the fear of not finding someone and the fear of being a failure and living an unfulfilled life is actually what is stopping us from achieving all of those things.

When you believe you are missing something or someone outside of yourself, you start depending on outer circumstances to make your life better.

So, let's say the wedding does come.

You found someone in your desperation and get married. It’s all very sweet and romantic, but you find will once you are married, you will look to something else outside of yourself and your marriage for fulfillment.

The void never quite goes away. You want more, and you want it now.

Getting married — or simply just finding someone to love — progresses naturally, if you let it.

Some of us have no interest in marriage at all, and that's also completely natural.

When you are living a life as your authentic self (not relying on anyone or anything else to make you feel whole), you automatically attract very positive situations and people into your life.

This is when real, substantial and lasting relationships arrive.

This is where true love originates from.

You find somebody to love, instead of looking for somebody to love you.

When you let go of the fear of not finding someone, and you stop placing your value outside of yourself, you will no longer feel the need to find someone to love you.

You will already love and value yourself in every way.

You will simply attract someone who adds more love into your life. You will find someone to fill it with more joy, laughter and wonderful experiences.

The love we crave — the understanding, the acceptance, our "other halves" — is completely within our reach. All we have to do is stop putting it on a pedestal.

We have to stop idealizing it and believing that without it, we are somehow inadequate.

We have to realize we are already completely whole, just as we are.