The definition of a f*ckboy is the bro in your life who just sucks, in every way possible.
We all know him. He's the guy you have an 80 percent chance of hearing from on any given night. He's the guy who haunts your nightmares, the guy who's only "kind of a butthole," and yet, strangely, the guy who lingers in and around your life like an angel.
It seems these days that the majority of men we come across turn out to be f*ckboys. It's like all the good guys have been brainwashed.
We all have that guy who has managed to stay in our life for longer than two years. That guy we keep talking to, yet we've never been in a serious relationship with. That guy we've convinced ourselves we have a "special connection" with.
Newsflash: He's a f*ckboy. And he f*cking sucks — but in a weirdly indescribable and baffling way.
It's kind of like understanding why you don't give a sh*t about anyone else's problems. For some messed up reason, there's a part of you always drawn to him. Sure, you tell him you're busy and try to carry an attitude of not caring.
Yet, he always seems to hold a certain place in your heart. Well he would, anyway, if you had one.
You could easily get over this guy if he would just leave you the f*ck alone, but why would he? He's made a point of sticking himself so firmly in your life that getting rid of him is harder than getting rid of the diamonds on your Cartier watch.
It's time we take a stand against these bros who think they can keep us in their contact list without ever actually making any serious moves. They're everywhere, and unfortunately, they're starting to have an affect on us.
Here are just a few ways the f*ckboy is f*cking up our chances at finding a real relationship:
1. He distracts you from the reality: You're alone.
It doesn't have to be Easter for there to be a resurrection.
Sometimes, we encounter these magicians who disappear on us faster than it takes to swipe left. And it just so happens, every now and then, one of these ghosts decides to come back to life. Now, you have yourself a resurrected f*ckboy.
Sure, Ryan Gosling may have written Rachel McAdams every day for a year in "The Notebook," but the chances your text messages went missing in the iCloud are much less likely.
Sometimes, the resurrected f*ckboy will be an accidental run-in, and it will seem like you're falling for each other. You may even think it's fate.
Don't count on it, sister.
2. Let's talk about sext baby. Let's not talk about you and me.
What happened to the days when a guy was actually interested in what we look like with clothes on? Now, the new norm is asking for a nudie within the first 20 minutes of knowing each other.
It's like men are no longer interested in having conversations with us, nor want to know all about us. They would much rather talk about how big our shower is, what size bra we wear or what our favorite position in bed is.
Eventually, we can get brainwashed into thinking this behavior is normal.
3. Selfies on selfies on selfies.
If he posts more pictures of himself on Instagram than you do, BYE.
You can find these bros hanging out around the mirrors at a gym near you. You think, "Aw he's so cute!" after the first selfie he sends you.
But then, he's in his boxers, and you know what comes after that. Sorry, but a picture of you and your dog would suffice.
4. He's not taking you on a date, but he wants to "chill."
You mean "f*ck" right? Classic f*ckboy line.
Wine and Netflix used to sound like a good idea, well, it still does. Just not on the first date.
These boys would rather wine and Netflix than wine and dine.
You could at least make me dinner.
5. It's all just a game.
Stop answering. Morning, night, mid-f*cking day.
The key to effectively winning the game is understanding the "connection" you feel is really just one of his special mind games, and he's just really one of those special f*ckboys.
Not only does he know what he's doing, he also knows what you're doing. Yes, he's completely aware that you take a few minutes longer to respond back to him than he took to answer you. You're anxious to speak to him.
You guys have been doing this dance for a while, and it's finally time to get off the f*cking dance floor.
We give these boys plenty of time to make the move and lock us down. Therefore, we must assume he's either a total f*ckboy or he has some serious commitment issues.
Either way, it's not our problem. We're better off without him.