I'm not a psychiatrist, so I can’t really analyze myself. However, I’m pretty sure I just figured out why I have been single my entire life, and it goes back all the way to my *NSYNC days.
When the boy band first hit my radar, I immediately fell for Justin Timberlake. He was the one I was really attracted to, the one I wanted to marry.
His luscious curls and amazing voice told me he was the one for me, so I picked him. Justin was my favorite *NSYNCer.
Almost immediately after, my older sister dropped a truth bomb about my dreamy crush. She told me Justin was everyone’s favorite.
He was the lead singer, the sexiest one and the one people had their eyes on. He is the reason for the phrase, “The Justin of the group.”
Let’s face it: We all knew Justin Timberlake was going to be the Justin Timberlake the minute we saw the “I Want You Back” music video. So, my sister gave me valuable, yet life-ruining advice to aim lower.
That’s when I decided Lance was my favorite. I was never really attracted to Lance, but he became my favorite. Later, I switched to like Joey as my favorite because he was the “funny one,” but again, there was nothing I physically liked about Joey.
I really wanted Justin, but I had to settle for Lance and Joey because they weren’t everyone’s favorites, and therefore, they were more attainable. This is how I choose the boys I want to hang out with.
I tend to surround myself with gay men or funny guys, and I’m never sexually attracted to any of them. I retreat when I come across any guy I’m actually attracted to because I know there’s no point in trying. I run away fast.
I guess I’ve decided there’s no point in pursuing a Justin, so subconsciously, I’ve prioritized my time with finding great Lances and Joeys to hang out with. To a Justin, I’m just going to be another girl in the crowd.
However, I know I have a chance at being friends with a Lance or a Joey. So, I’ve found myself happily content with many Lances and Joeys in my life.
If this sounds confusing, don’t worry. I was lost for 26 years of my life. I had friends always asking me why I wasn’t dating or why I didn’t like anyone, and I never had an answer. I just was (and still am) single, and I don't have a real reason why.
That was, until one night, I was hanging out with some friends and watching old music videos. We managed to find ourselves watching tons of boy band videos.
We went around saying who our favorites were, and I would always say, “So-and-so is my favorite, but I’m not attracted to him. He's just the one I think would be fun to hang out with.”
I didn’t realize how stupid that sounded until now. I realized I've been ignoring the Justin Timberlakes in my life because I just assumed I wasn’t worthy. It’s not that I’ve been aiming low and dating a bunch of losers. I just haven’t been aiming at all.
By ignoring the Justins, I've been just getting by with Lances and Joeys at my side as friends. I feel somewhat relieved to finally understand.
I’m not a loser who can't be loved. I've just been following my sister’s terrible, albeit well-intentioned, advice my whole life.
Now that I can see clearly, I will make an effort to like more Justin Timberlakes and see how that goes for me. If it all fails, I still have my other member of *NSYNC to fall back on for support, and you know I’m just fine with that.