I was gifted with a great imagination (somewhat too good). I am stuck in a world where my fantasies often trump my reality.
Basically, I’m a fantasizer lost in my own mind.
Typically, I find myself fantasizing about my love life, what I’m going to eat for dinner or how my rent is going to pay itself. It varies.
On my morning commute, I can easily fall in love with a stranger on the subway and imagine our entire life together. And if that doesn’t work out (He got off at 23rd; I got off at 42nd. Ugh.), I can just as easily redirect those thoughts to the next attractive guy walking down the street.
I think everyone's my husband. Subway guy and I already rescued a German Sheperd together by the time I realized he had gotten off the train.
Unfortunately, I’m not falling in love with different men; I’m falling in love with my own narrative.
The moment I meet a guy, I disconnect from reality and become absorbed in my thoughts, imagining my own version of them, and our non-existent relationship.
Honestly, is it so bad to want someone to run after me while the elevator door is closing, or to have someone chase me as my plane is taking off?
I fantasize to the point where I look forward to going to sleep because anything is possible in my dreams, and my reality consists of commitment-fearing assh*les who only know how to use a phone after 12am.
The downside of living in my fantasy world is it only creates problems in my real life.
1. The guys I date aren’t able to live up to the guys in my head.
I cannot help but compare a random guy at a bar to Nate Archibald. Yes, he is a "Gossip Girl" character. He is also a character that will forever hold a place in my heart.
I want to be whisked away by Nate’s emerald green eyes and his Upper East Side charm. I want to lay in Central Park with him, and be his plus-one to all the prestigious Manhattan galas.
Okay, I might also want to be Serena.
I’m constantly trying to fix the guys I’m with to be more like the characters I desire. It’s a terrible feeling when you think you’ve met a Ted but are tricked into bed with a Barney.
Every time I think I’ve found my Chandler, he turns out to be more like Joey, and I'm left with unanswered texts. I need someone who wants to share their fries with me.
2. I want a relationship like the ones I read or dream about.
Being a fantasizer, books and movies are incredibly easy to get lost in.
I don’t want to meet someone from a dating app; I’m not really a fan of the lack of responses. I want a love story people will swoon over. I want my friends to be Nick-Jonas-jealous of my relationship.
“I met a guy at the Strand; our hands collided as we both reached for the same book," sounds way better than, “We both swiped right.”
3. My fantasy blurs with my reality, and I can’t recall what has actually happened.
Nobody wants to be delusional. So if I’m not positive if a conversation actually happened, or if I watched too many rom-coms the night before, it’s best to not say anything at all.
I have too many what-ifs occur of which only I am aware.
4. There are always happy endings in my imagination.
Who doesn’t love a good fairytale? Who isn’t looking forward to finding Prince Charming?
Sure, he might not wear a crown, and he will probably complain about his finance job, but at least he will treat you like a princess. In real life, love does exist. It’s just different.
For once, I’d like for things to fall into place perfectly... but real love isn’t like that. Instead, I come up with my own romantic fiction.
I believe real goodness is out there, but until then, I’ll just rely on my mind.
5. What are flaws?
Aren’t our flaws what make us beautiful? Aren’t they the best things about us?
That’s a load of crap, and you know it. Flaws suck. That’s why, in my mind, my guy is flawless.
He doesn’t wait three days to call back. He brings me flowers just because. And he doesn’t claim that “the dad bod is in” to excuse himself from a gym membership.
6. I create ideas about people before getting to know them.
In an instant, I can come up with an entire back-story of someone I’ve only seen a picture of.
That guy my friend wants to set me up with? He definitely loves to travel; he is probably cultured, and I bet he speaks another language…
Oh wait, he was blacked out his entire time in Barcelona, and the only topic of conversation he refers to is his frat? Yeah, no thanks.
7. I don’t let myself feel anything real.
Very easily, there can be a quality about a guy I find very attractive. I might meet a guy who makes me laugh all the time and loves movies as much as I do. However, in the back of my mind, I won’t let myself get my hopes up, or get too serious.
Quite frankly, I’m worried about winding up hurt.
8. I miss out on potential matches because I still believe I’m going to end up with Zac Efron.
At this point, his existence is solely as my phone background. Yet, I have not crossed off the possibility of our unity and his inevitable proposal.
I was brought up with the lesson, “anything is possible,” and I will continue to live by that.
Nobody can take away my sense of reality. I like it here too much.