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Question from the reader:
I need advice...
My BF and I broke up a year and a couple of months ago. He was going through a rough time at work and was distant with me due to that, and I kept arguing with him for every little thing.
After the break up, we have tried spending time together. We have had sex and it's been great!
Throughout this time, I have asked him what's going to happen between us and have been pressuring him to give me a "yes, we are going to get back together" or "no, we are not." But what he always tells me is, "Let's just go with the flow and see what happens."
He started hanging out more with this "girl" friend he has, which made me argue with him. He assures me there is nothing going on. That they are really just friends.
Since he kept hanging out with her, I decided to get him out of my life for good. Two months later of not speaking, not seeing each other or anything, we got in touch again. I stayed over his place again, had amazing sex, went to dinner with him and it's been perfect.
We spoke about us, and he told me he wants to go with the flow. I told him, "I don't know if I want to be with you or not," but in reality, I'm dying to be with him.
I am impatient and want him to give me an answer of what is going to happen between us. So my question is, should I wait and see what happens, or should I just let him go?
Thanks for getting in touch. Hopefully, I can provide some insight into this. It sounds like this drama has been going on for a long time now. If you broke up over a year ago and still haven't gotten back together, do you think it will really happen? I mean, clearly you're hopeful, but does it feel RIGHT in the pit of your stomach?
If it DOES feel right, this guy needs to stop stringing you along. I worry this is a case of wanting to see other girls while still keeping you on the hook. It sounds to me like this dude is keeping you on lock as a Plan B. It doesn't sound like he has shit together, and that pisses me off.
You deserve someone who wants to be with you, no questions asked.
This “go with the flow” bullshit is unfair and childish. Honestly, a lot of guys will put you through shit just to see what they can get away with. If a guy thinks he can be with you and you'll sit around and wait for him without a commitment, he will try to pull that crap.
I was a little worried about that girl who he's “just friends with,” but if he's not hanging out with her that much, I doubt you have to stress about it. If it really does bother you a lot, you should ask him not to hang out with her at all.
If he picks her over you, he sucks and BOY BYE. If he'd pick some other girl “friend” over you, he's not worth it, especially if making you uncomfortable isn't enough of a reason to stop chilling with her. That's some serious fuckboy shit.
Anyway, back to the “go with the flow” BS. It's been too damn long for this, girl. You have got to tell him to get his shit together. Either he can commit, or he can hit the road.
Look, I know it's a lot easier said than done. The heart wants what it wants, and that is exactly why you've been treading lightly. You're afraid that if you stir the pot, you'll lose him. I understand this is a terrifying prospect, but do you seriously want to be with someone who would run away just because you want him to be your boyfriend?
Imagine when some serious shit actually goes down. Will you be able to lean on him then? Because if he doesn't even want to be your boyfriend, it is serious evidence of a much larger problem.
So, my advice to you is no more of this “I don't know if I want to be with you or not” shit you keep saying to him. You don't look strong or cool. You are CONFUSING him and only justifying the fuckboy behavior even more. At this point, he can easily turn around be like, “How was I supposed to know you wanted to date when you literally said you weren't sure if you wanted to be with me?”
Don't be dumb, girl. Tell him how you feel. You have to sit him down and be real with him. Tell him you love him and you want to be with him. Tell him you said those non-committal things because you were scared of being rejected.
Is there a possibility that he'll be a douchebag and break your heart? Yes. But it is extremely important to know what you're in for. You should be with a guy who worships the ground you walk on and wants to move mountains for you, not “go with the flow.” Fuck that. No love worth having is so tepid.
Have a serious conversation. Lay it out. If he comes through, there you go. If not, cut him loose.
Yours in lust, XOXO Auntie Gigi
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