Do you remember a couple of weeks ago, when everyone on the Internet was managing to access his or her filtered messages on Facebook? Well, none of my friends seem to even know about it. But if you were like me and were curious to see who Facebook blocked you from seeing messages from, I have a story for you.
Apparently, I had a message from my ex's new wife. The message was a year old. I had never seen an image of her, talked to her or even known her name. Yet, there she was, plain as day. She was sitting in my inbox with a cheerful "hello."
I deleted the message because I didn't need to know what it said. I didn't need to read about her life with him because I have a life of my own. I didn't need to hear about how much better she is for him because I couldn't agree more.
I didn't need to hear even an introductory "hello" because what's in my past deserves to be left there. To get straight to the point, I had zero desire to uncover what Facebook had been trying to shield from me. I find solace in the fact that I'll never know what she wanted.
There comes a moment in every relationship's demise when you will stumble upon your ex's new life. You'll inevitably come across her picture or find out her name. You'll run into his friends, who will talk her up as if they don't even remember the two of you were together.
You'll find out he's engaged, married or having babies. But, that doesn't need to affect you. In fact, stumbling upon those moments are helpful, if not therapeutic.
Listen: There's nothing worse than finding out the man who you once loved loves someone else. It's especially heartbreaking when you're still miserable over your split. If I had received that message three years ago, it would have probably sent me to ShopRite for a case of Ben & Jerry's. But now that I have a career, am a published author and a soon-to-be fiance, her life simply doesn't affect me.
People may read this and say that because I felt compelled to write this, I'm clearly still holding on to something from my past. I am, and those things are lessons.
My past is what defines who I am as a woman. My marriage and its divorce led me to experience different loves, and it ultimately led me to love myself. It made me want to achieve a level of greatness I've never had before. It pushed me to strive for something outside of my comfort zone. I wouldn't consider myself a decent writer if I didn't choose to share my experiences.
If you're dreading the inevitable moment when you'll come face-to-face – or computer-screen-to-computer-screen – with your ex's new babe, you'll be surprised at how well you handle it. Your reaction to it will signify your growth and how much the dynamic in your life has changed.
Once you move past the resentment, the hurt or even the anger, you'll come to find you hold zero bitterness toward a part of your life you said goodbye to a very long time ago. You'll open up a Facebook message and smile because you've found an unrivaled happiness you were never sure you'd find.
Knowing he has someone to give him that kind of happiness will make you smile, too. Anything other than peaceful generosity isn't worth it. Everyone deserves to be happy – even your ex – and that is the greatest revelation.