Everything I Want To Say To The Guy I Haven't Met Yet


The first time I heard about online dating was when I was in elementary school, and my best friend's mother was newly divorced, looking for a boyfriend. I imagined it to be a place for people in their late 40s, desperately looking for a connection.

Now, we're looking at young Millennials using these platforms to find someone to love (for the night). But here is why I am not a girl who is up for “Netflix and chill,” as written to the future love of my life:

In a world that is driven by sex, I want you to be the guy who cares about me as a person. I don't want to be deemed a body that you can use just for pleasure. I want to make love to you, and I want to f*ck you, but I want the pleasure to be both mutual and meaningful, when that time comes ... and that time will come.

I want to meet you at a place that we will grow to call our favorite restaurant for decades to come. I want to lock eyes with you for a second or two on a crowded train, giving you the thought that you couldn't possibly continue your journey without coming over to introduce yourself. I don't want to "swipe left" on the man who is supposed to make all of my dreams come true. That's not how it's supposed to happen.

I want you to love me for my brains first and my appearance second. I want you to know that I like frangipani flowers and staring out at the rain. I want to know where you went to school and who your first kiss was. I want to touch your scars and know how you got them. I want you to be my voice of reason when I feel anxious, and I want to guide you through your tough times.

I want to get angry at you for not folding the laundry or forgetting to bring home onions on the way home from work. I want to be passionate with you when our bodies crave each other with familiarity and animal instincts. I want to cry with you when you lose someone special, and I want to hold your hand when I cross the street. I want to watch terrible films with you and laugh until my face hurts. I also want to talk to you about our future and how we couldn't possibly imagine life without one another.

I want you to want me even though I have no interest in politics, science or math. I want you to be open-minded when I want to try something new or go on an adventure, and I will be understanding when you want to experience something new, too. I want you to love the fact that I don't know what I am doing with my life. We'll figure it all out together. I don't care if you're broken, the best ones are.

I don't want to sext with you when I don't even know your last name. I don't want to see your name appear as "online now" after we've shared one or several intimate dates. I don't want to be a girl that is easily replaced by another face you see on your phone screen. I don't want to visit you late at night after an evening of drinking, and I don't want you around mine under those pretenses, either. That is not how it's supposed to happen.

If you wait for me, I promise to spend my days searching for you because we all deserve pure and true love. No phones, no apps, no late-night nonsense -- I am not a girl who is up for "Netflix and chill."