I've never been very good at pickup lines, usually because any of my attempts to be witty in a high-pressure situation end up sounding like I awkwardly vomited up a dictionary.
But I will admit, I've heard my fair share of good, bad and straight up weird pickup lines in the past. One time, someone told me, "Your face confuses me." I asked, "What does that mean?" And the girl replied, "I don't know. Do you want a drink?"
No matter how good (or bad) you think you are at crafting pickup lines, I'd bet you have at least one dumb pickup line you KNOW you could never use on someone, even though it makes you laugh when you're alone in your room.
And if that's true, just know you're not alone.
A recent Reddit thread asked guys to share their favorite pickup lines they'd never use, and you'll want to buckle up your seatbelt right about now — it's about to get pretty weird.
Here are some pretty dumb pickup lines these guys have blacklisted for themselves (as well as how I'd respond to it if I heard it):
Me: "Is boyfriend material machine washable?"
Me: "I'm wearing leggings, but thank you."
Me: "How drunk was I to leave a mile of my shit somewhere?"
Me: *my twin steps out from behind me* "This is awkward."
Me: "Everybody shits with their ass?"
Me: "Yeah, actually, it did hurt, and I'm pretty sensitive about it."
Me: "Literally, exclusive invite only, buck-o."
Me: "Tell me your name before suggesting costume role play, maybe?"
Me: "Wait, really?! WHERE?"
Me: "Mmm, it's almost summer, bro. But then again, this is probably accurate since the definition of 'soon' is totally relative apparently."
Me: "My friends say I make their lives a living hell, so yes."
Me: "No mirror should ever be that big."
Me: Guys, please just start with this one. So short. So simple. So not creepy.
Yeah... let's make sure these pickup lines get lost in the same way as 75 percent of the socks in my laundry: in a black hole, never to be seen again.