While in college, I have encountered many absurd excuses of why men choose not to go on dates with women. My favorites can be categorized under the big three: time, money and commitment issues.
When it comes down to it, a relationship, or at least a consistent dating life, entails the same approximate time factor, cost and commitment as bar-hopping and clubbing.
Think about it: You spend a certain amount of time getting ready for your nights out on the town. You groom yourself to the best of your ability and pray drunk vision will make you seem more appealing.
Then, you’ll go out to the bar and average three to four drinks for yourself, some shots to impress the girl you’re pursuing and scrape up some minimal tips for the bartender. This definitely surpasses the $15 budget you have in your pocket, so you've probably bummed a $5 bill off of your best bud.
Meanwhile, you’re spending hours in a crowded bar with hazy lights, drinks spilling everywhere and lack of elbow room.
Once you find your temporary fix for the evening (who, by your beer goggles standard, is a solid "10"), you go in for the kill. In this moment, you are committing to spending the night with this girl, and probably an awkward morning-after conversation.
Then, when you wake in the morning, you roll over to face a girl who resembles more of a raccoon with smeared mascara eyes and who smells of stale beer. As you walk home, you’re plagued with thoughts of, “Who else has this girl been with? Were we safe? Crap, I’m late for work!” while fighting back your hangover.
If you’re one of these people caught up in the cyclical process of vaguely-remebered nights and morning walk of shames, consider what dating could offer you. To clarify, I am speaking of dating, not committing to a long-term relationship.
Ask a pretty girl to dinner. The fact that you want to go out somewhere public that isn't surrounded by drunk people is refreshing. You get bonus points for taking the initiative to go somewhere with a table that isn't covered in cheap whiskey.
It doesn’t have to be anywhere fancy; places like Chili's have $20 and under meals that include an appetizer to split, meals for the both of you AND dessert.
The atmosphere is strikingly different. Drinks at the bar say, "Let's get out of here to go to the no pants party,” while food in a booth says, "Hi, I want to get to know you, and I know you secretly love to eat as much as I do.”
All women love eating; don’t let them fool you.
Most likely, she’ll be dressed more naturally than she would be if she were going out with her girl friends. You won’t have to search for her face under layers of dark eye shadow. She also won’t be trying to catch herself from falling in the sky-high ankle breakers she likes to wear out.
She’ll be giving you her time, her attention and her vulnerability.
As the night progresses, you’ll notice her makeup isn’t half-melted off of her face; you aren’t sweating profusely, and you get to eat good food while having good conversation.
You'll get to hear what each other is saying without "TURN DOWN FOR WHAT" interrupting your talk of modern politics.
At the end of the night, she can choose to invite you in or not. Either way, you’re not at a loss. You were able to have a decent meal, and not go home with a strange girl.
Best of all, there’s no morning-after surprises. You won’t wake up and have to send up a silent prayer before rolling over to face the music of last night’s conquest.
Truth be told, you can always find time for what is important. Telling a girl you're too busy is a lucid lie; you still find time to have a beer with the guys and binge-watch "Family Guy." What she's looking for is for you to soberly spend one or two nights a week with just her.
This small step in the direction of respect for women could shake the world. In a generation terrified by feelings and the idea of being vulnerable, something as simple as a traditional date will evolve into a beacon of hope for the generations to come.
It seems almost asinine to contribute all of these pressures to the simple idea of taking a girl out on a Friday night. Matter of fact, these types of interactions will mold you into the person you want to be "when you grow up," and learn to treat women with respect when you're ready to settle.
There won't be a moment when you become "an adult." You already are one. If you think you're going to find your wife doing tequila shots with her short-shorts revealing more than they cover, you need to reconsider you expectations of others.
Take a break from the binge-drinking and bro-ing out because this lifestyle you're living is only temporary. The day is coming where there will be many people with many expectations of you.
Would you bring her home to your parents? What kind of wife do you think this girl would be? Would she be able to provide for herself and your children?
As the gravity of your decisions settles in, understand the life you live now will transition to the life you live then. You have the power to change that by just switching up your late-night activities. Cool, huh?
The time is now. So, man up, grow up and drop the excuses. They are no longer valid.