Just Because I'm Not Ready To Settle Down Doesn't Mean I'm A F*ckboy


Just because I'm not ready to settle down, doesn't mean you should automatically write me off as a f*ckboy. Or maybe you should. I'm in my late 20s, and the thought of marriage and children isn't even on the back of my mind. Don't get me wrong; I'm not opposed to getting married or starting a family or any of that. In fact if you've read any of my previous work, you could deduce that I love love.

It's not like I'm looking to collect a bunch of bodies under my belt and max out my player card. I've been there and done that, believe me. Contrary to popular belief, just because a man isn't looking to settle down doesn't mean it's because he wants to hook up with as many women as possible.

I don't mind dating (to an extent) and I'm certainly not opposed to being in a committed relationship. What I am opposed to is feeling coerced into a fairytale that many people have pre-programmed into them from a very young age. See, for the most part, I am a pretty chill guy. But two things I do not play around with are marriage and children (you know babies, little human beings). It seems as if a lot of people have overly romanticized these two very important things.

A marriage, to most, is just a fancy celebration of commitment that everyone must have sometime between the ages of 25 to 34 ( and I may be stretching it). Then, those two people have these cute things called babies, then get a dog, then live happily ever after. The end.

Granted, I'm oversimplifying a tad bit. Most people know it's a little bit more complicated than that. However, I feel it's a lot more complicated than that. There are human and financial elements that a lot of people tend to overlook.

People see marriage and having kids as just a "step." It's a "milestone," if you will. Nah. Graduating from high school is a step. Losing your virginity is a milestone. Getting married is a privilege. It's not just something you do, just to be doing it.

It's a full-on commitment on several levels by two people. It also has several financial implications. I'm not even going to even mention the financial and other implications when you bring a little miniature human being or three into the picture. Some people are ready. Some people are just going through the motions. I will not be one of the latter.

I'm bringing all of this up not to discourage people from starting families, but to illustrate why some men such as myself may not be interested in taking such a big step, even though we are at or close to "that age." I don't feel as though it's a necessity in life.

These days, my Facebook News Feed (I'm not even sure why I still go on Facebook) is just like yours. It's filled with wedding photos and pictures of newborns and mortgage agreements (yeah, someone posted actually posted that). I'm happy for all of them. I click "like" and leave a very sincere congratulatory comment.

But I'm even more happy that it's not me. I don't mean that in a condescending way. Lord knows I've had the opportunity to potentially be in such a position. However, I think about where I was then and where I am now and I know it could have led to potentially disastrous results. So, I thank God things are the way they are.

I'm going to be honest and say I'm a late bloomer of sorts. No, I don't mean I'm that guy who was Urkel throughout high school and college who finally got the corner office and subsequently the confidence and bank account to finally start attracting women.

I'm a late bloomer in the sense that it wasn't until I was 26 when I finally started to get a grip on who I am a person and become comfortable in my own skin. I'm the product of a broken home.With no real guidance on what it meant to be a man, my 20s were pretty much spent making mistake after mistake. I sought validation in all the wrong places in order to find myself. I went through a growing process, to say the least.

Twenty-six wasn't that long ago at all for me. Now I'm finally at a point where I'm only just beginning to find my rhythm in life. I'm nowhere near the point where I can begin to sustain all that actually comes with marriage and starting a family. Does that make me a f*ckboy? I don't know. Perhaps.

But the thing is despite now officially being in my late 20s, I'm nowhere near ready: mentally, financially, emotionally or otherwise. For the first time, I'm confident I'm headed in the right direction, though. But I've only recently started to become my best self. That's who I want to be before taking such a step. Contrary to popular belief, there is no age that defines that.

The bottom line is, I take the institution of marriage seriously. I'm just not going to do it because it's what you're supposed to do. I'm just now figuring out what I want out of life and how I'm going to get there. I'm honestly having a hard time figuring out where “settling down” and getting married fits into that equation.

It's not because I'm repulsed by the idea or because there's a gazillion women I want to try out first. It's simply because if and when I do it, I want to do it the right way and for the right reasons. I want to be everything a woman deserves.