You didn’t see it coming, but it happened.
Out of all the fish in the sea, you threw your line out there and managed to reel in the one who communicates through dry humor, laughs at the most inappropriate times and often quotes “Step Brothers” at an alarmingly high volume.
I’ll start off with a much-deserved congratulations because you have just struck relationship gold, compadre.
Dating a sarcastic guy is the relationship equivalent of being the 100th customer at Chick-fil-A.
There is a type out there for everyone, and you have chosen to travel down a path that cannot be traversed by just anyone. But have no fear because you definitely made the right decision.
Here are a few of the many pros involved with dating a sarcastic person.
1. We are always honest.
Seeing as we have little to no filter at all, we are always the best option when it comes to getting an honest opinion.
Brutal honesty is something we pride ourselves on, and we enjoy it.
Need to know whether or not you should invite Rebecca out for drinks with everyone? Just ask us.
The answer is no, you shouldn’t. The truth is, everybody hates Rebecca.
She laughs at her own jokes, and her voice makes anyone within 10 feet regret ever leaving the comfort of his or her home.
Looking for good suggestions on what to get us for our upcoming three-month anniversary?
We can do you one better by informing you that you can save your money because there is no such thing as a three-month anniversary after age 14.
Now THAT is love.
2. We can take every bit we dish out.
Sarcasm can get to be a bit much after a while, and we understand that. Because of this, we can’t blame you at all if you fire back with some witty jabs of your own.
There is nothing wrong with being kept in check. It might catch us off guard at times, but that shock will quickly turn into an insane level of attraction.
3. We can always cheer you up.
Everyone has those rough days where nothing seems to be going right. It’s been one thing after another, and your mood has gone to complete sh*t.
When those days come up, who better to have around than a boyfriend who can throw some much-needed humor your way?
We can always tell when something is wrong because we realize we are the source of that anger at times. Okay, maybe a good amount of the time.
But whether it’s that inside joke we’ve had going on forever, an incredibly cheesy gift or that way-too-accurate Dwight Schrute impression that makes you crack up every time, we can always deliver when you need a good laugh to lighten the mood.
After all, we’re the only ones allowed to push your buttons and make you mad. And that’s purely for the make-up sex.
4. We are the best when it comes to awkward situations.
There are going to be awkward moments in every relationship.
It could be that poorly-timed joke made by your weird uncle at the big family dinner.
It might be that time when you decide to do something crazy and acrobatic in bed, but instead, you just wind up falling off the side and spraining your wrist.
This is where we shine.
A different kind of boyfriend might be shocked, shooting wide-eyed looks of panic around the table as if your family just sacrificed a virgin.
But will we cower in fear when such moments arise? Nay, we will not.
We’re that dinner date who fires right back with a witty comment to get the table laughing, and we’re the kind of partner-in-crime who rolls over to the edge of the bed and asks you if the weather is better down there because we’re comin’ in hot.
5. We actually do care. A lot.
We’re not always the easiest people to deal with, and we understand that. Because of this, we often go out of our way to show you exactly how much you mean to us.
During these times, we begin to shift our efforts from things like making quips about how “it takes a certain type of person to buy and wear an American Fighter t-shirt,” to planning a spontaneous dinner date at that restaurant you've been wanting to try but assumed we forgot about.
Just because you can't bring us out in public without the likelihood of us throwing dry remarks at the kind of people who like to vape and listen to dubstep, doesn't mean we don't have a genuinely nice side.
Everyone else sees us as the guy who always has some smartass remark about everything, but you get more than that.
You get the side of us that loves spending time with family, the side that is more than willing to whip up an incredibly delicious breakfast for you and the side up for a random road trip any day of the week.
Except for Sunday. “True Detective” is on Sunday; don’t be ridiculous.
In the end, we try our best to make up for all of our inappropriate jokes and assh*le remarks by doing whatever we can to make you smile.
We realize nothing in life comes easily, but we’ll always be willing to put in the effort because you are more than worth it to us.
Now, I will list some of the cons involved with dating a sarcastic person: There are none!