When it comes to dating, finding someone who is a match for you can be really tough. I know this for a fact because I used to be the guy who seemed to have a knack for attracting all the wrong women into my life.
You know the really nice guy who allows women to walk all over him just so they can get what they want? The quiet guy with the knack for allowing the psycho's into his life, letting them set up shop, lighting social fires then go out of his way to try and help them out? Yeah. That used to be me.
To cut a long story short, I eventually figured out I was making a lot of mistakes. I figured out what those mistakes were, solved them and ended up attracting a woman who is the perfect fit for me. My relationship now is just so easy, fun and fulfilling. In fact, it's so good that I want what I have for every single human being on this planet. Ironically, this comes from someone who was once a self-proclaimed "player,” and lived a single life that most men envied.
But there are five big mistakes most men make when trying to find their ideal woman:
1. You aren't living your life's purpose.
If you do what you love, you will find your love. An overwhelming majority of men lack a purpose, a mission or an idea in regards to their big picture. They are stagnant in life. They are merely existing, rather than honing in on doing what they really want to do. You don't have to be Elon Musk and go out to change the world (or in Elon's case, colonize Mars), but you do need to have clarity on what you want out of life and be steering your entire life toward it.
You know what drives a woman wild? A man on his mission. And if you are doing what is meaningful to you, you will find the woman who shares this vision. Then you can both steer your lives together toward that vision. Not knowing who you really are, what you stand for and what you are doing with your life is the biggest mistake men make. Without this, the rest of the following mistakes are inevitable.
2. You don't know who she is.
If a business goes out to serve everyone, it ends up serving no one and it quickly goes out of business. Some of the most successful businesses in the world go out to serve one problem for one type of person. This is called having a niche, and without having a niche or knowing who your target customer is, you are doomed in business.
What is your type? Who is your dream woman? Who is she as a person? What does she do for a living? What traits does she have?
Without clearly defining who she is as a person, you are setting yourself up for bad dates with women who don't understand you for who you really are. It is only when we figure this out, that we can solve the rest of the mistakes below.
3. You rely on luck.
If you're waiting for that magical Hollywood moment where you accidentally run into her in a coffee shop, then wake up. This is the real world. Sure, it does happen. But it is extremely unlikely that it is going to happen. Being a man who knows what he wants out of life now, wouldn't you want the best odds and know exactly where to find your ideal partner?
4. You look in all the wrong places.
It makes no sense for a 30-year-old businessman who hates nightclubs to go to a nightclub to find a woman he likes. His ideal woman isn't going to be found there. She is going to found at networking meetings or seminars. If he wants a younger girl who loves to drink and party then, of course, he should try nightclubs (or other places where his ideal woman is going to be).
The sheer volume of men who go to places they hate to meet women, and then complain about the women they meet amazes me. Now that you know who she is, you will have a much better idea of where you can find her.
5. You don't put yourself out there.
When a business has defined who their target customer is, the next step is to market itself to that type of person. Gents, you need to get out there and start interacting with your clearly defined ideal woman.
This means opening up conversations with anyone who you think might be a fit, learning how to open her up emotionally so you can find out who she really is and then taking her on a coffee date or dinner so you can find out more.
You don't need to be a "Pick Up Artist" or anything like that. You just need to be real. Be yourself, be honest and simply go and say hi. You'll be surprised at how easy it is to have a great conversation when you start meeting the right women in the right places.