She texted me in a panic, "What do I do?!"
It seemed obvious to me.
"Go!" I texted her. But, she hesitated.
"Ugh, but I don't want him to think I'm obsessed with him."
Another friend spent an entire weekend with a boy she liked a couple of weeks ago. The two of us were out last weekend, and she saw something that reminded her of him.
So, she sent him a Snapchat of it. He opened it and didn't respond. She went into full panic mode.
"Ugh, now he's going to think I'm obsessed with him!"
Another friend was away in Europe for a couple of weeks. She got back to the States and was contemplating whether or not she should text the guy she was casually dating before she left.
"Why wouldn't you?" I wondered.
I'm sure you can guess what she responded,
"Ugh, I don't want him to think I'm so obsessed with him that he was the first thing I thought of the minute I got back."
And I can't be throwing all of the shade on my friends here. I'm guilty, too.
I could be seeing someone for months and still find myself seriously debating whether or not it's kosher to text him first without seeming "obsessed."
It's tricky to deal with, this whole fear of seeming "obsessed" thing. I would go so far as to call it a deep-rooted phobia that, for some reason, my friends and I are all afflicted with.
And trust me, I know how absurd it sounds.
Let me try to explain it to any sane people trying to follow along here. It essentially boils down to the fact nobody wants to seem like a pathetic desperate loser, especially not in front of someone you really, really like.
And if you are genuinely convinced sending one random text or Snapchat is going to make you seem that way, well, you're going to avoid doing it at all costs.
As you can imagine, this has some majorly negative repercussions in that, more often than not, the person you really, really, like has literally no idea you really, really like them.
It's super hard to make any sort of real relationship happen when that fundamental miscommunication is taking place.
But here's what I try to remind myself every time my fear kicks in and I get the urge to completely ice someone I really, really like out of my life: IT DOESN'T MATTER. Like, seriously, none of it matters.
First of all, since when has sending one text or one Snapchat deemed you as "obsessed"?
Try to reverse the situation in your head. If someone texted you, "Hey, what are you up to tomorrow" out of the blue, is your immediate impulse, "OMG HE'S OBSESSED WITH ME"?
No, it's not. On the off chance it is, I'm going to hope you have friends who are willing, able and ready to tell you you're being a narcissistic psychopath.
So, now that we've gotten that misconception out of the way, let's move onto the next, possibly most important point. Pay attention, guys. This is the best part of it all.
The right person WILL NOT CARE if you are "obsessed" with him. Because guess what? He'll be obsessed with you, too.
Again, reverse the situation in your head. Imagine a person you really, really like texting you out of the blue. Or Snapchatted you. Or invited you to hang out. Or even sent you 46 texts in a row and then proceeded to show up at your front door step to profess his undying love for you.
It doesn't matter how "obsessed" he seems. You would be OVER THE MOON.
When you actually like someone, the person can do no wrong. And I'm hoping the person you're interested in actually likes you for the awesome, hilarious, fantastic human being I'm assuming you are.
So, SEND WHATEVER YOU WANT, WHENEVER YOU WANT. He should be so lucky to be on the receiving end.
If a text from you is doing anything less than shooting a guy you really, really like right over the moon, he's not worth your time, anyway.