One Strike You're Out: Why A Confident Person Won't Deal With Players

by Grant Miller

In the dating scene, confidence is the key to success. Without confidence, you most likely won’t get a date, or even a phone number. With confidence, the world is yours.

Confidence requires knowing what you want, going after what you want and putting your best foot forward to get what you want. It also requires knowing your worth, and in the dating context, this cannot be emphasized enough.

If someone is not what you are looking for, or if you are not the right one for him or her, confidence allows you to walk away from the situation. Confidence makes your life simple and successful, and that includes your relationships.

That is why confident people don’t play games. Players send mixed messages and use arbitrary tests to screen for preconceived reactions.

They follow rules that someone else tells them without thinking. They play games because they think games are required to get what they want; they don’t believe they already have the tools necessary.

When the games don’t work, they get frustrated and wonder what went wrong. Instead of accepting that they should just be themselves, they search for a new tactic, or a new way to get what they want without using their own qualities.

Confident people are often frustrated by players because, while they’re willing to move forward, the players are always holding them back.

The player makes her wait for a phone call, not because he’s busy and can’t get to his phone, but because he thinks that’s what it will take to hold her interest. The confident person understands that if calling back the next day makes her walk away, then she wasn’t that interested in the first place; thus, he will call back when he can.

The player doesn’t answer the phone and waits for the guy to call the second time just to make sure he really likes her because, God forbid, she reciprocate any interest and looks desperate. The confident person doesn’t pass on opportunities, and if a guy she wants calls her, she’s picking up or calling back.

When a player meets another player, these games can go on for weeks. When a confident person meets a game player, the confident person walks away, often to the chagrin and confusion of the player who does not understand why his or her tricks didn’t work.

So, why didn’t the tricks work? The answer is simple: When you believe in tactics more than you believe in yourself, you will always fail with a confident person.

The two of you are thinking on different levels. Game players almost always look to create confusion because they think it gives them power, even if it’s just the power to thwart the other person’s efforts.

Players want you to chase them because they believe it validates them. Therefore, receiving attention, while giving as little as possible, is their first priority.

Confident people don’t need attention to validate them. They validate themselves every day by pursuing their goals and achieving them. Confident people only respect clarity, progress and results, and anything less than that is not powerful at all.

It’s half-stepping, and confident people never half-step when they want something or someone. If you do, they will leave you behind for someone who is willing to work with them to achieve their common objective.

In dating terms, if a confident person shows interest in you, and you don’t return it, he or she is walking. Confident people understand and respect your choice to date them. They also know that they are not required to convince you to spend time with them.

Stop playing games. Know what you want and go after it like you have nothing to lose because you don’t. If you get rejected, nothing has really changed.

You were single before, and you’re single now. If your efforts are not returned, then find someone else. There are few things more pathetic than someone who chases a disinterested party. Such a person is a target for players who are constantly looking to use someone else to boost their low self-esteem.

If you believe in yourself without the aid of external forces, you will find that you have all that is required to get your needs met and find someone who is right for you.

You will also have the confidence to walk away from someone who doesn’t reciprocate your interest. Be confident enough to be clear about what you want and settle for nothing less than clarity in return.

Such an approach screens out game players by stripping them of their ability to toy with you. It will also help you find someone who is as confident and awesome as you are. Once you find that, everything will become much clearer.

Finding your equal tends to have that effect on people.

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