"When he puked on you."

by Candice Jalili

College is a paradise for mediocre, borderline alcoholic boys who would never otherwise pull. It is the one place where a boy who is a hard six in any other realm can black out, pee your bed and still not only have a chance with you, but may be your best friend, too.

In the moment, the fact that he peed your bed, then tried to hook up with your roommate isn't quite so "hilarious." But, after a while, I do believe nothing is so painful that we can't look back on it and maybe have even the smallest laugh.


So let's take a look at all of the times your college bae (can range anywhere from the guy you made out with once, to your serious boyfriend, to the guy you hooked up with drunkenly for three years straight) TOTALLY DISRESPECTED YOU... but you probably saw him again anyway.

1. When he peed your bed and didn't even offer to wash your sheets the next day.

2. When he peed your bed and tried to convince you that it was actually you.

3. When he was your date and he got too drunk to get let into formal.

4. When he made out with another girl in front of you to "make you jealous."

5. When he made out with another girl in front of you because he literally just didn't care.

6. When you found a picture of him making out with another girl on Facebook.

7. When he hooked up with another girl at the formal he took you to.

8. When you found him grinding with another girl at the party he told you to meet him at.

9. When he had a girlfriend at home he forgot to tell you about.

10. When he strictly texted you only after 11 pm.

11. When he literally never acknowledged your existence sober.

12. When he asked you to please leave his room as soon as you were done hooking up.

13. When he refused to walk you home even though it was four in the morning.

14. When he didn't take you on one date over the course of three years of consistently hooking up.

15. When he didn't invite you to one date event over the course of three years of consistent hooking up.

16. When he invited you to a date event, blacked out, then woke up the next morning and soberly invited someone else.

17. When he didn't answer any of your 47 late night FaceTimes.

18. When you found out that he sent the same "u up?" text to 37 other girls.

19. When he invited your best friend to a date event two days after hooking up with you.

20. When he told you to come over but was already passed out by the time you arrived.

21. When he "forgot" his wallet and you had to pay for both of your late night pizza orders.

22. When he drank the large majority of the fifth at your date and a fifth party and ended up blacked out while you were sober.

23. When he tried to casually strike up conversation with you at a party with his arm around the new girl he's hooking up with.

24. When he made out with five other girls right after meeting you.

25. When he shared every detail of your hookup in his fraternity's GroupMe.

26. When he puked on you.

27. When he blacked out at your date event and ended up with another girl.

28. When he left the bar with someone else while you were in the bathroom.

29. When he told you he had drunk food just to get you to come over (then DIDN'T HAVE ANY).

30. When he wanted to "see where things go" but things went nowhere for four years straight.