Too many of us have fallen victim to the dysfunctional concept that is "the almost relationship." You know, that guy you were sort of seeing, and then, all of a sudden, he fell off the face of the earth? You can’t necessarily call it a breakup because you weren’t “together,” but you still need closure.
Even in an exclusive, serious relationship, breakups can happen without warning. I have been both the victim and offender in both of these situations, so the term "closure" is quite familiar to me.
We all think we need "closure" after a relationship or hookup ends, but is it the best thing for you? I'll dive into why closure is typically bad, and how you're better off not obsessing over past mistakes with an ex.
In theory, closure is supposed to provide us with a breakup cure-all. If we know what exactly went wrong and what we can improve upon, then we can close the door on that past relationship/hookup/whatever and MOVE ON.
Isn’t that all we want after a breakup? To get over it and move on? To leave the baggage of the past behind us and move forward?
Closure is this concept we can’t see or feel, but we base our entire breakup recovery on it. You theorize in your head a million different reasons why that person just didn’t want to be with you or why it just didn’t work out.
Most of the time, the real reason the relationship didn’t work out is probably something you are better off not hearing or knowing.
If the other person can't dignify you with an explanation as to why he or she no longer wants to be with you, then the reason is probably pathetic and superficial.
Closure can be mean; it can be nasty, hurtful and regressive. Your past will always be your past, and it’s important to appreciate the past because it molds you into the person you are and the person you will become.
But, the past essentially doesn’t exist anymore; all of your power and purpose is in this present moment, and dragging problems from the past is only bringing you down.
You didn’t get closure? Guess what? It’s time to move on. LET IT GO. The relationship didn’t work out because it just wasn’t meant to be or the timing was off. Do you really want to reopen old wounds with pieces of closure you can obsess over for the next six months?
If your ex didn’t provide any closure, it’s likely because he or she didn’t want to hurt you even more, or that person is too confused with why the relationship just wasn’t working.
A lot of times, breakups have no explanation and are just based on how someone feels at the moment.
But, why would you want to be with someone so flaky, who only wants to be with you maybe 20 percent of the time? You deserve respect, consistency and commitment.
Stop rereading every text to try to figure out what went wrong. Trust me, if your ex broke up with you over one text, you’re better off without that critical lunatic.
Stop stalking him or her on social media; it will only make things worse. Stop ruining every night you go out with your friends because you end up drunk in your apartment crying about your ex.
You’re never going to be able to have all the answers as to why things didn’t work out. Uncertainty is in every aspect of life, and you will be brought much more uncertainty in future times.
The key to grasping uncertainty is learning to live with the fact that you will not be able to figure everything out; all you can do is look at yourself, take everything you learned from the situation and close the door behind you as you leave the past in the past.
You have far better achievements, people and experiences awaiting you. Obsessing over closure is only holding you back from unleashing your inner potential.
Every person we meet or have a relationship with teaches us something about ourselves and about the world. Take that lesson with you and know that, although circumstances might be tough now, that lesson will serve its purpose in due time.
Closure isn’t a need, it’s something we THINK we need. If you can’t get closure, you’re probably better off. Let it go, move forward and start the next chapter of your life with the lessons you have learned.