Chase Destiny: Why You Should Choose Someone Who Chooses You
Time to wake up. You stumble out of bed and fumble your hand around your night table until you smash your alarm clock.
You hop in the shower, throw some clothes on and rush to Starbucks to grab your morning venti.
It's all business as usual, until you notice the woman in line in front of you. She’s wearing a sweater that is slightly too big for her, which gently hugs her curves but leaves much to the imagination.
Her hair is a light brown, almost blonde at the tips. She’s staring silently at her phone, clearly bored, waiting for the barista to hand her a coffee with her name misspelled across it. That’s when she looks up at you and your eyes cross.
For a second that feels like an eternity, all that exists are her pale green eyes and nothing else.
You’ve been wanting to make some changes in your life (or perhaps you’ve been reading my articles), so you decide to go for it.
“Hi, I wanted to meet you.”
“I’m Jen,” she says as she smiles mischievously at you. She knows; they always seem to know.
The chemistry, the spark, the butterflies, it’s all there.
You exchange numbers and plan to see each other later on this week. It’s going to be a good week.
I can't wrap my head around people who insist on chasing after people who are simply not interested in them, or at least, not as into you as you are into them.
Think of the last time you went out with your friends. You’re in a club, and you look over and see a beautiful girl in a red strapless dress.
You walk up and speak to her for a little bit and quickly realize she is thoroughly uninteresting. It’s not really her fault; there’s just no chemistry. But, she looks great, so you figure, "eh, why not?"
You whip out your phone and tell her to put her number in. She complies. You text a bit over the next few days, but the conversation lacks in depth. You figure she’s pretty attractive, so why not keep trying?
Even worse is when you find yourself developing genuine feelings for someone who will never reciprocate those feelings. Why the self-inflicted torture? Why put yourself through this?
Don’t get me wrong; I speak from experience. I’ve been there more times than I care to admit.
I get questions like this all the time: “She seems uninterested, but still flirts with me here and there so what can I do to get her?”
I’ve seen countless self-proclaimed seduction experts market products to get the girl who's out of reach. What’s the point?
Stop settling for good enough.
As soon as you explore this phenomenon at its core, you come to understand that the root of the disconnection between males and females is this total fixation on winning over someone who doesn’t really want to be won over.
This habit gives rise to a culture of manipulation and games on both ends of the gender spectrum. Wait three days to call a girl? Great. Make men pay for dinner? Check. Don’t show too much interest so you don't scare her away? Gotcha. No sex on the first date? Absolutely.
No wonder everywhere you go, people talk like they are bleeding in the trenches when referring to their dating lives.
It all comes down to this one crucial point: Stop settling for good enough.
Dating should feel natural and flirting is fun. Interacting romantically with other human beings is normal. Why the manipulation and games? Why the need to convince someone to be with you? It is completely baffling to me how anyone could feel a sense of accomplishment after coercing someone to be with him or her.
Be careful here; I’m drawing a clear distinction between chasing and pursuing. One reeks of desperation and neediness while the other is light and pleasurable.
My point though is this: You should never feel excited to be with someone who isn’t just as excited to be with you.
The alternative leads to pain, distrust, confusion, sorrow and invariable loneliness.
A dating revolution.
Everywhere I turn, I come across an article lamenting the way Millennials date. Like used kitchen appliances or an obsolete iPhone, we are quick to discard or upgrade our partners at the drop of a hat.
And you know what? That’s okay.
Why get bogged down in dualities? On the one hand, you can window shop without necessarily buying anything long-term, or you can remain fixated on a desire for a very specific partner.
There is no wrong answer. You can’t fault someone for searching for what he or she wants. The issue is when a partner is chosen as a means to an end, as a way to mask a deep underlying insecurity.
Practically speaking, all it really means is this: Stop wasting your time chasing after people who aren’t that interested in you.
Why on earth would you want to convince someone that you are good enough, because even if you win in the end, you still lose.
Don’t you want that special someone to feel just as excited to be with you as you are with them? Don’t you want that person to look at you and think, "I hope I don’t f*ck this up?"
Don’t you want to leave that party/bar/library/coffee shop knowing he or she can’t wait for you to call?
Pick up the phone.
You call Jen and you get together to cook a meal. She’s super cool, easy to talk to and just an all-around great person to be with.
For the first time in your life you weren’t nervous to call a girl. For the first time in your life you can be your complete dorky self and just have fun knowing Jen is pretty much the same way.
You walk her home and kiss goodnight knowing you’ll see her again.
Ease and delight! Life is beautiful.