A Change Of Heart: Why We Fall Out of Love As Fast As We Fall In

by Sarah Urmston

Your relationship likely begins how most relationships do: innocent flirtation, fluttering stomachaches, late-night phone calls and the desire to be together at all times.

You latch onto his or her heart and dive in without a second thought. All you’re aware of are the foggy feelings pushed up against you, like your face against his or hers.

It’s chemistry; it’s passionate and it’s spontaneous. Nothing else matters. Then suddenly, in the blink of an eye, it does.

We’ve all been there and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. We get lost in our hearts and fall off the grid. We lose sight of the importance behind work, school, our dreams and other relationships in our lives. And typically, so does your significant other.

But, after a few months go by, you start to realize the consequences behind these blurry-minded decisions. Reality strikes at a brutal force and it all falls out all over the table.

It turns out his quirks aren’t cute anymore; in fact, they’re quite annoying. Holding each other while you sleep feels claustrophobic and showering together is no longer sexy — it’s now just a burden.

You feel resentful, angry and long for something new because this person isn’t filling you up the same way anymore.

You start to wonder, “Do I even still have feelings for this person? What changed?”

Well, you did. The only difference is that you didn’t change when you fell out of love with this man. You changed when you fell in love in the first place.

Sometimes, getting so caught up in the idea of something deprives people of getting to know someone for whom he or she is. You stop being yourself, and so does he or she.

You tell him or her stories about the past, but the present is a blank page. Then, we we run out of things to talk about, and that’s that.

It’s easy to forget who you are in the early stages of a relationship, and the reason behind this cruel reality is finally clear: You’re not ready.

As fun as relationships can be in the beginning, it’s always important to consider beyond that. If you see a problematic pattern and are unclear about whose fault it is, keep in mind that it's probably no one's fault; it’s just not your time.

From my experience of watching each of my relationships expire, one after the other, I learned that I still had a great deal of growing up to do before I was meant to grow with another person.

I found myself kicking these wonderful men to the curb so early, and I never understood why. They were good to me, just not for me.

It turned out that no one was good for me.

Not all of us are lucky enough to stumble upon the love of our lives on the first try, and that’s just a factor of life.

Trying to find someone to love forever who loves us in return is simply a biological impulse, so we can’t help but continually getting back on the horse, even if we know we’ll probably get right back off.

We are human beings. We’re selfish, and in this case, that’s okay. We are allowed to dip our toes in the water to discover our likes and dislikes, keeping in mind these qualities for the future when we are ready.

It’s just a matter of being honest and not taking the world of dating too seriously in the process.

If you’re taking an alternate route and steering clear of getting your toes even slightly wet, that’s perfectly healthy, too.

There is nothing sexier than a woman who knows whom she is, what she’s good at and that her dreams and passions are the most important thing in this world.

We have our entire lives to find love. In the meantime, get out there, grab a hold of your aspirations and do something incredible.