Albert Einstein once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Well, by this definition, I must be f*cking insane.
I've spent my entire 23 years of existence being single. To be honest, it hasn't been by choice. I've tried anything and everything to change that dreaded status of mine: blind dates, dating apps, friends with benefits, etc.
For some reason, all these attempted relationships always fail. (That's just putting it nicely.) They end up burning up in flames, while I just sit there, comforting myself with a bottle of wine and a tub of ice cream.
I've spent countless hours analyzing almost every single fling or almost-relationship. The only thing I could ever find in common was myself. Feeling guilty and unworthy, I used that to blame myself. I started to feel as if I wasn't good enough. Slowly, I began to hate myself.
But despite it all, I continued to date.
I kept putting myself out there in the hopes that this time, things would be different. I always hoped that this time, things would work out.
But they never did.
Recently, it hit me: What if I'm not the problem? What if the problem is our generation, and our lack of ability to date?
Since when did dating apps replace actual, face-to-face connections? When did it become OK to openly date multiple people at once?
Whatever happened to meeting up for an innocent cup of coffee, without the pressure to hook up afterward? Whatever happened to waiting months to have sex with someone, instead of banging it out on the first date?
Somewhere along the line, these things have not only become acceptable in our dating world, but have also become the norm. So many rules have been established for us Gen-Yers. Dating has just become some big, f*cking game for us all.
Even Tinder admits to this. It has a “keep playing” option, even after you've gotten a match. Our generation has created stupid terms like “ghosting” and “f*ckboys” to describe these new players on the dating field.
Side note: By suddenly disappearing and never speaking to a person again, you're not sparing his or her feelings. “Ghosting” is just another term for "coward."
The worst part about all this is, no one wins.
There are guidelines about how long we must wait to text back, and how often we are allowed to do so. We rarely have actual conversations anymore.
Dating has turned into texting and Snapchats. We're too scared to tell each other how we really feel, so we pretend we don't have any emotions. We've turned cold.
If we show too many emotions, we get labeled “clingy" and "needy.” If we don't show enough emotions, we become “cold-hearted bitches.” It's become impossible to keep up with all these ridiculous rules, let alone have a shot at winning.
I think we've all forgotten we're “playing” this game with actual people. These are people who have real feelings and emotions. We disregard other people's feelings in the hopes of sparing our own.
Honestly, I think we're all just a bit lonely. We're all just trying to figure our way in this world. We don't know what we're doing.
We're just a bit lost and confused. We're too scared of getting hurt, so we ruin things before they even start. We hurt other people before they can hurt us.
Let's face it: As a generation, we suck at dating.
So, that's it. I'm done. I'm done trying to put myself out there and getting hurt in the process. I'm done playing stupid games with guys who don't even seem to care.
I'm going to take a break and focus on myself. It's time for me to put myself first and figure out what I want in life. In a few years, maybe we'll all be a bit better at this whole thing.
Maybe then, I'll give it another try. But until that happens, I'm going to take a much-needed break.
For now, I'm giving up on dating apps and awkward first dates. I'm tired of waiting around for text messages that are never going to come. I have better things to do than waste my time getting ghosted by another f*ckboy.
It's time for me to start doing something different, in the hopes that I'll get better results. I'll even possibly start feeling a bit more sane.