They make you cry, sob and gasp. They make you want to punch holes in walls. They make you want to wallow in self-pity and self-doubt. They make you think you are something less than you are.
They change you. That’s a scary thing.
However, breakups don't have to change you for the worse. They don’t have to leave scars.
One day, sooner or later, those awful feelings will go away, and you’ll be left wondering why you were so hard on yourself during the split.
When all is said and done, and all the mean thoughts have come and gone, each and every breakup offers a chance to grow. The end of a relationship doesn’t have to be a reflection of you, but the way you handle the breakup is.
No matter what, a breakup is going to teach you important things about who you are, and where you’re meant to end up. This is why you should never let a breakup take more out of you than it should.
1. A breakup will teach you how to deal with loss.
Everyone experiences loss in their life.
We all know death is a part of life, but the big difference is, in death, people are taken out of your life suddenly and with no explanation. With a breakup, there is usually a reason why this person isn’t in your life any longer.
You are still losing someone you love, but he or she will be there to answer questions if you need him or her to. Your ex is still around in case you have things left unsaid, and he or she is still a part of this planet.
In a strange way, breakups are preparing you for losses of all kinds, big or small. If you can figure out how to deal with the pain and anguish that comes from the loss of a relationship, perhaps you will be better prepared to deal with bigger, scarier losses down the road.
2. After you stop remembering the bad things, a breakup will show you what your relationship was actually like.
You will always remember a person you dated, and you will definitely remember a person you once loved.
Sure, maybe your vision of him or her has changed since your breakup. Perhaps you no longer see him or her as the great, wonderful, amazing person you once knew. Chances are, you’ll hold on to that negative image of your ex for a little while.
But, eventually, you’ll begin to see your relationship for what it really was: the good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between.
One day, you will be able to tell your kids about your first love. You'll laugh at how you thought you’d marry him, even though you had nothing in common. Perhaps, one day, you’ll realize the person you loved didn’t treat you well at all, and you’ll be grateful this breakup happened.
Plus, you’ll probably be even more thankful for the new, even better relationship you’re sure to find yourself in.
No matter what happens, one day, you’ll look back on this whole experience and realize you couldn’t have become the person you were meant to be without the person you just broke up with.
3. A breakup teaches you to do better the next time around.
Let’s face it: None of us are perfect. We all have faults and flaws.
Although, right now, you might want to believe your breakup has everything to do with the other person, eventually, you’ll be able to look back and see you weren’t so perfect after all.
This is a good thing.
Once we see what we were doing wrong in one relationship, we can try to avoid it in the next.
Were you overly clingy with the first person? The next time around, you can work on giving your new boo a little more space.
Maybe, in your first relationship, you always wanted to change your significant other. But, perhaps, the person who needs to change is you.
Changing someone else is almost impossible, but changing yourself is hard too, especially if you don’t know where your flaws lie.
But if you can pinpoint those flaws and begin to work on bettering yourself, your next love will thank you for it.
4. A breakup will teach you to just be.
Maybe this breakup is so hard for you because you can’t bear to be alone. Perhaps you were so used to this other person’s company that the simple act of showering alone makes you want to fall to pieces.
Maybe you’ve never been alone. Now, you don’t know how to do it.
Well, it’s time for some tough love. You will never learn to be happy in life if you can’t figure out how to be happy alone.
Being alone is a part of life.
Things change, situations change, love changes. Even if you have friends, parents, spouses and children, there will be points in your life when you will have to be alone.
It might not be a choice for you right now, but if you can learn to love being in your own company, you might realize that being alone isn’t so scary, after all. In fact, it is one of the most amazing aspects of life.
One day, you'll find yourself choosing to be alone, rather than choosing to be with someone who doesn't truly appreciate you.
5. A breakup will show you everything happens for a reason.
I don’t always buy into the “everything happens for a reason” cliché, especially if you are using it as an excuse for not following your dreams in life.
However, in the case of a breakup, I think it’s absolutely applicable.
This breakup happened.
Even if you don’t agree with it, it happened, and it’s for the best. Why in the world would you ever want to be with someone who doesn’t see you as a blessing in his or her life?
People stay with other people because they are too scared to let them go. But you should never want to be someone's crutch. You will never be able to move on to the bigger, better things life has in store for you until you're willing to let go of a relationship that is no longer serving you.
This breakup will open your life up to new experiences and new love. Even if it’s hard to see that right now, someday, you’ll look back and realize there really was a reason for it all.
At the end of the day, we all date people who aren’t right for us.
But the bottom line is this: If the breakup happened, it probably happened for a pretty good reason.
Just remember, your future is bright. Nothing has been taken from you, and the lessons of life are just beginning.
So don’t be too hard on yourself, and don’t knock yourself down.
Your job, right now, is to build yourself back up and become the best person you can be.