Wishful Thinking: 6 Reasons Why Breaking Up With Someone Is Never Mutual
Relationships involve two people who have been together for long enough to form some sort of understanding and mutual bond. So wouldn't it make sense for more breakups to be decided on mutual grounds?
Sure, there will typically, if not always, be one person who initiates the final conversation, but after that discussion, wouldn't you think both people would just let go?
So why isn't this the case more often?
1. We Have Trouble Letting Go
It doesn't matter if you invested a month, six months, a year or five years — it's awful to feel as if you've wasted your valuable and precious time, especially at this age.
It's hard to throw in the towel because it makes it feel as if everything the two of you went through together was meaningless. But if you really think about it, was it meaningless? Of course not.
At the time, things were different than they are now; your feelings were different and who you were as a person was vastly different than the person you are now.
What people fail to realize is that holding on to a relationship for the sake of memories makes little to no sense. Sure, you feel an attachment to the past, but that's just what it is, the past.
2. We're stuck on the concept of winning and losing
No one likes admitting defeat in any aspect of life, but especially when it comes to personal relationships. It really sucks when the people we care about tell us they don't want to be with us anymore; it feels like losing.
Seeing a breakup in terms of winning and losing is a terrible way to look at a situation. It takes a ton of courage to tell someone you have deep feelings for that you don't want to be together anymore.
And, honestly, this person is looking out for you as much as for him or herself.
3. We don't like change
Who likes deviating from routine? It's hard enough to get into one, so the thought of adjusting to a new one is enough to give anyone an anxiety attack.
Breaking up means the comfort we have grown so accustomed to has been tossed out the window. We are left in utter chaos, unsure of how to proceed.
Your life has thus far been all about you and your partner, what you like to do together and what you like to do apart (while still keeping your partner in mind). But a breakup means you must adjust your mindset and your life.
4. We're afraid of being alone
After getting so used to someone's constant company, it's difficult to adjust to being alone. It can often be terrifying, despite the length of your relationship.
Being single has such a negative connotation attached to it, so it only makes sense why we become fearful of this new sense of independence.
5. We lose our sense of reality
When your relationship is in rough waters, it's hard to remain clear-minded and rational. We don't even know if we want to break up or not; we lose sight of what the relationship even means and where it's at.
It's beyond difficult to keep your emotions and your thinking separate, even though it's probably the best way to handle the situation.
Of course, you still have feelings for this person, but if the relationship isn't serving your best interests and/or making you happy the majority of the time, why would you want to fight so hard to stay in it in the first place?
6. We tend to look at all the positives and ignore the negatives
When faced with the reality of breaking up, it's only natural to think of the positive things the relationship had to offer. You say things like: "But what about that time we went on a romantic getaway together for New Year's?"
Um, what about that time he bitched at you for choosing your friends or family over him? Or the time he screamed at you for your outfit choice? Or any other little thing that turned into a huge, unnecessary blow out?
Chances are you are placing much too much of an emphasis on the big good things you had and ignoring all of the little annoyances that led you both to the point you have come to.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It