Candice Jalili

People Reveal Their Most Absurd Booty Call Texts

PUT YOUR PHONE ON YOUR BUTT! IT'S A BOOTY CALL.

OK, I've gotta be honest. This article is not a booty call (spoiler alert, I know). But it's even BETTER than some drunk guy trying to hook up with you at 4 am!

I have compiled for you, yes, YOU, a list of the greatest drunk, booty-call texts of all time — both sent and received.

Real people were brave enough to share with me their dirtiest and, frankly, most hilarious screenshots, and I have them here ready to rock for you.

My personal favorite is the girl who casually suggested to her hook-up buddy that they get married but, hey, the guy who accidentally invited the wrong girl to a threesome is pretty good, too.

Read along and REJOICE:

"Daddy needs it"

A guy I was (emphasis on "WAS") hooking up with texted me this. I really would like to think it was a joke but, you know, can't be sure.

— Elisa*, 23

Anonymous

"Let's get married"

This guy is my best friend, and we hook up drunk OCCASIONALLY. Then, out of nowhere one New Year's Eve, I decide to be 'flirty' and send him this. Thank God he played along. Oh, also, he was in another state. Not sure how I was planning on meeting up with him at 1:52 am.

— Jackie*, 24

Anonymous

Editor's note: We took out some of the conversation in the middle because it's incomprehensible, drunk gibberish, and this end part is when it really starts to get good.

Anonymous

"wanna hang or wut"

This guy and I had made out once, and we were texting for a while — just normal, small-talk stuff — when, finally, my drunk self got frustrated. I was done beating around the bush and didn't know if I should go home or plan on going to his place, so I just straight up texted him, "wanna hang or wut." Bold move, but hey, it ended up working out.

— Anya*, 23

Anonymous

"WANNA have a threesome right now?"

The moment you realize the guy you have feelings for is not only fucking one, but at least two other people.

— Daphne*, 27

Anonymous

"Have a nice tall glass of cold ice water waiting!"

This guy and I went on one pretty mediocre date. Then, he sends me this. Like no, I don't want to come over for some 'water.'

— Mariah, 23

Anonymous

"OK LAST CALL U UP OR WHAT"

Sent this guy to the guy I'm hooking up with the other night because, apparently, I am a bar.

— Julia*, 23

Anonymous

"You want some D?"

Some guy I fucked literally once.

— Sharon*, 25

Anonymous

Then, there's this relentless guy who just got SCHOOLED.

I have been in a relationship for two-and-a-half years, and that is how long this old booty call has been texting me like that.

— Ellen, 25

Anonymous
Anonymous

Feeling embarrassed about the weird drunk text YOU sent last night? Hey, at least you didn't ask your casual hook up buddy to make love or ask the wrong girl for a threesome.

*Name has been changed.