Ask Auntie Gigi: My Boyfriend's Best Friend Hates Me
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Question from the reader:
My boyfriend's best friend is a girl, and I don't like her. When we fight, I learned he only talks about me to her when he wants to vent about me. Because of that, of course, she doesn't like me. She consistently is telling him to break up with me and to not come visit me on the weekends so he can hang out with her.
She has not made any effort to get to know me, and she just assumes that his word is the truth without ever asking, "Why did she do that? Did you do something to upset her?" I know he isn't cheating on me, but I feel like she uses him as her "emotional boyfriend" who cares about her and she can talk to, but doesn't want to hook up with her.
My dilemma is this: How do I tell him I don't want him to be friends with her anymore? I've mentioned to my boyfriend before that their relationship makes me uncomfortable, and he just says I have nothing to worry about. How should I handle this situation?
I feel your pain so hard right now. I don't trust male/female relationships and never have. Someone in that relationship always wants something more.
I'm not going to make a judgement on that one. You can do that for yourself.
JUST KIDDING. I'm a pushy bitch, so I am definitely sticking my nose in this one. Sorry if I'm totally off base here, but you wrote to ME, so I've got to.
Your boyfriend's bestie is clearly very insecure and needs your boyfriend to feel special. I know where she's coming from because I've been her before. I'm sure you have, too, with "platonic" male friends.
It's nice to have someone of the opposite sex tell you how pretty, smart, funny and wonderful you are without having to date them. You get all the benefits of having a boyfriend (the "emotional boyfriend," as you called him) without having to stop hooking up with other people.
Essentially, he's friend-zoned. He has you, after all, so he'd likely be cool with the fact that he's not getting any from this girl. But it sounds like he would have been DTF if he were single.
This girl definitely sounds like a manipulative cunt (trust me, it takes one to know one and I know one), but he isn't going to stop being friends with her. I'm about 93 percent sure of that. I think if you try to force the issue and make him choose, you will likely end up in an even bigger fight with your boyfriend, while making it this girl's mission to destroy your relationship.
I know if I were her, I would be all over you. I've never dated a guy with a female best friend. I would not even want to open that can of worms.
It's so hard not to hate your best friend's SO. My bestie was dating this really awesome guy, but I often find myself thinking negatively about him because I only ever heard the bad stuff about him.
That's the thing, you only ever talk about your boyfriend or girlfriend to your friends when you have something shitty to say. You don't talk about all the wonderful things; you just want to vent your frustrations when they arise.
It's so hard not to hate your best friend's SO.
Here is what you should do: You have to talk to this girl. You have to level with her, woman to woman. If your boyfriend means as much to you as you say he does and you want things to work, you've got to level with the best girl friend. As long as she hates you, you're fucked.
You don't have to be her BFFL; you just have to make her see you as a human being. Send a Facebook message the next time you go to visit bae. Go for a coffee, get a drink, have dinner. Do something. You guys have got to get to know each other. You both love the same guy in your own way and want the best for him, right?
Try to make it work. If you try REALLY hard and she is still being a huge bitch, at least you can honestly say you made a genuine effort. It puts you in a really good light because you've shown your boyfriend you care about the people he cares about.
Hope this helps!
Yours in lust, XOXO Auntie Gigi
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