An Open Letter To All Boys Afraid Of Commitment, From The Women You Left Behind

by Lexi Palmer

Ladies, you know the type all too well. He's charismatic, fun and easygoing with the perfect amount of chemistry. He's the type we all are in constant pursuit of but only a few of us actually find.

You meet him and get swept away almost instantly by his charm and adventurous ways. He shows just enough interest to keep you hooked and remains steady in your life for a few months, or a few weeks, or however long it takes him to make you realize you have developed feelings.

You start to feel like this guy is different from all the rest, but the second you ask one question about the future, he heads straight for the door (or the window, which ever is closest), leaving you in the dust. He drops your heart from a ledge so high, it shatters into a million pieces.

As a result, we ask ourselves over and over again, “What did I do wrong?”

Sure enough, given time, he always comes back. He claims the same thing each time it happens: He got scared and acted without thinking. He asks for another chance and you give it to him because deep down, you truly want to believe he has changed.

However, he hasn’t changed, and he pulls the exact same thing again and again and again. He continues until you can’t take it anymore and finally act in your own benefit and leave on a pursuit to find a new man who will more than likely be just as messed up. This is to all of you boys, from all of the girls you have ever hurt:

Dear Mr. Commitment Phobe,

Yes, you there. The one probably talking to an amazing girl. What the hell are you doing? You know you aren’t going to stick around very much longer, so why are you filling her head with semi-realistic fantasies of what her future might be like with you in it? Drop her. Walk away now, before it gets complicated and you break her heart for no good reason.

Let’s be honest with ourselves: You know deep down, the second things have a potential to go further, you are going to head for the hills and leave her stranded and hurting from your sudden disappearance from her life.

You look into her eyes and she gives you the look. All of a sudden memories start rushing through your head about the relationship(s) that scarred you for life. You start to remember how terrible that one experience was and how you felt. You get scared of experiencing that pain again, so instead of giving this girl a fighting chance, you leave to avoid getting hurt.

No one should ever have to experience the pain you felt that one time, right?

Did you ever consider how you leaving would mirror that pain onto another innocent soul who did nothing to deserve it? Save her the heartbreak; she doesn’t deserve it. She didn’t know what she was getting herself into when she fell for you. She doesn’t deserve that OR the sob story you will probably tell her to justify your quick exit and make yourself feel better about the situation.

You do understand that the “I was hurt badly once before” line is extremely ironic, right? In telling someone this and using it as a reason to end things abruptly, you are inflicting the same pain you felt 10 years ago on someone who had no control over your life back then.

The “I need to find myself" line is also a sorry excuse. The girls usually know that, but feel no need to argue since nothing will change your mind. When it comes down to the wire, if you want to take time, you will. We understand that, but secretly resent you for using it to get out of a situation.

We don’t fight it, though, because we know you have problems that we cannot fix. You are too scared to face your own fears. Since your heart was broken once, you feel the need to break a million more to settle the score. We don’t understand the logic behind this, but we all believe that through all the heartbreaks, there will be one person that makes them all worthwhile. We feel bad that you may never get to experience that.

Mr. Commitment Phobe, this is a message from everyone who has ever been hurt by people like you. We are so glad you have managed to save your heart from any more pain after that one time years ago, but how do you think we feel after you finish with us? You go around using that one time someone broke your heart as a get-out-of-jail-free card and expect us to understand and accept that as a valid reason, but we don’t.

We get our hearts shattered more times than you could ever even imagine; yet, every time, we somehow find the spirit to pick up the pieces and continue trying until we find the one. At least we will get up while you curl into the corner meekly, repeating the same horror story of your one failed relationship.

Please, leave us alone or grow a pair because one day we are going to realize that we deserve better than this bullsh*t. We won’t be there to take you back; we'll be with someone who is sure of who he is and brave enough to put his heart on the line. We'll be with someone who makes the years of heartbreak worth it. At the end of the day, we will be moving on with our lives and you will be stuck in that same corner, scared to move on and take a chance.

Mr. Commitment Phobe, learn how to take a risk, learn how to fall and then learn how to get back up. As we have been told since birth, you miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.

With love and all due respect,

All The Girls You Ran Away From