5 Reasons Why Getting Advice On Your Relationship Is Actually Destroying It
In the era of social media, it's very easy to get caught up in all the hype of wanting to share what's going on in your life. It's also very easy to look for solutions to all your problems on the internet.
I see numerous articles giving girls advice about their relationships and how to solve “common” relationship problems. As much as it is tempting to read all these articles and ask your friends for advice, it might not be the best thing for your relationship.
Your relationship is unique and its problems are too. Sometimes we get so caught up in not wanting to feel alone that we don't realize these comparisons are hurting us more than helping us.
Comparing yourself to someone else's idea of normal should not be a priority in your relationship. Your relationship should not have rules and it should not be defined by some set of ideas from another person's perspective.
Yes, of course, this is another article on the internet, but I'd rather provide you with the anti-advice to force you to consider your relationship and the complex truths that arise from it as distinct.
You should not overthink every little detail of your relationship because every relationship is different. It is great to share some details of your personal life with your friends; however, oversharing might not be the best idea.
Here are five reasons why keeping your relationship private might work wonders for you in the long run.
1. You Will Feel Pressured To Define The Relationship
Some people are open books. They love to share details of their life with friends. If they have a date, everyone in their immediate circle knows about it right away.
Sometimes sharing this much information with your friends might not be the best idea. The state of your relationship will become the subject of all your next conversations.
Your friends will wonder how things are going with the two of you, how things are moving along, or where the relationship is going. This can be problematic because it can put pressure on you to define the relationship with the person you are with.
This puts you in the spotlight and now you have a timeline (that might not be yours) that you have to adjust to. Your friends might urge you to define the relationship before you are ready.
2. You Will Receive A Ton Of Terrible Advice
If you tell your friends everything about your relationship, get ready to hear some unsolicited advice. Even though it's always tempting to hear the other side or to have someone support you when you are overreacting about a certain issue, sometimes it is wiser to just cool off and think things over by yourself.
You shouldn't base your relationship on stereotypes or clichés that you might hear from your friends. Especially when none of them are doing all too hot in the relationship department.
3. You Will Be Judged
When you talk to your friends about your relationship, you could unintentionally start looking for their approval. People involuntarily judge you and your actions.
If you think it's OK to hook up on the first date, that's your decision and you have every right to do that. But if your friend doesn't approve of that, this might cause some unnecessary tension between the two of you.
Your friend might judge you for what you have done even if she/he doesn't intend to.
4. Your Relationship Will Be Compared To Every Other Relationship
Oversharing certain things with your friends can cause some involuntary comparisons. Your friends can get jealous of your relationship, which can put a strain on your friendship. Let's face it, no one likes a show-off.
On the other hand, your friend might think that your relationship is not good enough for you by comparing it to his/her own. In reality, we all need different things out of a relationship and comparisons can be irrelevant.
5. You Will Start Overthinking All Your Problems
When you share your relationship problems with others, you might start to overthink the issue at hand. When you relate things to your friend, both of you might overanalyze the whole situation by going over every single detail that happened. Sometimes it's best just to calm down and put the issue aside.
The next time you want to kiss and tell, reconsider.
Sharing can be good, but oversharing can become a problem. Sometimes you're better off just taking some time to cool off when you are facing an issue with your SO, instead of running to your friends for some advice.
You and your partner should be the only two people in charge of the relationship.
Originally written by Lizzie Poliakova on Unwritten.
