Your Booty Call Is Your Best Bud: The Ups And Downs Of F*cking A Friend
Let's face it: When you're in your 20s, holding down a stable, healthy and honest relationship with the one you "love" is as easy as a walk through the park.
Except the park is actually a maze, and it's filled with booby traps, dead ends, black holes and distractions. Only the strong, established and focused couples make it out alive.
The rest of us get lost, make mistakes, seek direction and eventually find our way, but tend to save serious, intimate commitments for later in life.
Instead of making our way through the maze with our beloved soul mate, we spend time on ourselves, our jobs and our goals until we're satisfied enough to share our endeavors with another person.
In fact, the only people we really enjoy sharing our lives with right now are our friends.
Why? Because they're there for us. They're there when we need advice, a drink or two, a good laugh, a good cry and of course, a helping hand. And, by "helping hand," I mean helping hand... if you catch my drift.
Sometimes, in this chaotic, stressful world in which we live, we need a close friend who can help us out in more ways than anyone else can. I'm talking about a friend with benefits.
We've all got 'em, and if you don't have one now, you've definitely had one in the past. Having a friend who can be more than a friend definitely has its advantages. It can be exciting, hilarious and pretty convenient if you're both on the same page.
Even so, having a friend you can go to bed with definitely has its ups and downs and for every advantage, there is most definitely a disadvantage.
You might say "f*ck it," and do it anyway, but next time you text your hot buddy at 3 am because you're lonely and looking for a friendly cuddle partner, take these points into consideration and weigh out the pros and cons:
1. You're close friends, so you're going to see each other... a lot.
Pro: The more you see each other, the more opportunities you get to have fun. Whether you're "watching" Netflix or having a few glasses of wine, you know where you'll both end up.
Con: The more you see each other, the more you will debate whether you should act like friends or lovers. When do you say "enough is enough" and actually hang out without feeling obligated to hook up?
2. You know each other from the inside out.
Personality, speaking, of course. Get your mind out of the gutter.
Pro: You're the kind of friends who can sit around together for hours, drinking coffee and talking about anything and everything without feeling awkward because you "get" each other. You know how to make one another happy and give the perfect advice when someone is having a rough day.
You know each other like the back of your hands and as close friends, you're supposed to.
Con: You know so much about each other that you start acting like a couple. You finish each other's sentences, watch the same movies and spend the night pillow-talking until the sun rises.
Red flag? If you're trying to avoid the whole "feelings" thing, then yes.
3. You have the same friend group.
Pro: His friends are your friends, and your friends are his. It's a big ol' happy family, and being able to hang out with one another within the friend group without awkwardness or a conflict is a huge victory. You get the best of both worlds.
Con: His friends are your friends, and your friends are his, and as things continue and become more serious or obvious, people might feel obligated to take sides.
For instance, if something happens and things go downhill within the sexual world you've created for yourselves, things will become awkward and difficult for the group because it can't be a solid entity anymore. His closer friends will drift back into his life, and yours will gravitate toward you.
4. You have inside jokes about "what happened last night."
Pro: You're able to make light of the situation with funny inside jokes that are secretive yet hilarious to only the two of you. They make things less awkward when you can both laugh at yourselves and accept fact that sex has become a bonus of sorts in your lifelong friendship.
I mean, let's face it: Laughing cures all and making jokes about waking up next to each other after a crazy night out is better than being weirded-out by it.
Con: When jokes come up when you're around friends, they feel awkward as f*ck and don't know what to say. Should they laugh? Should they ignore them? Do they even want to know about what happened last night?
Probably not. They probably don't need to hear your jokes about what happened during your midnight sexcapades, and they probably don't find them funny. Keep 'em to yourselves.
5. You're both okay with the whole "friends with benefits" thing.
Pro: Whether you've been friends anywhere from three weeks to three years or more, somewhere along the line, you've both become sexually attracted to one another.
You know you can't grow feelings for each other because you don't want to ruin the friendship that exists. Friendship is valuable and quite often lasts longer than relationships do. You're cool with doing the "friend" thing with some extra fun on the side.
Con: Deep down, you know that if you do grow feelings for each other, the friendship is ruined. Hearts are fragile, no matter how strong you may claim yours to be, and it's easy to fall for someone you're sleeping with — friend or not.
In my opinion, a friend-turned-lover has the ability to cause heartbreak worse than a stranger because you're not losing a mere boyfriend or girlfriend you met on the whim, but a person who has been in your life for more reasons than a relationship label or a one-night stand.
So, here's the thing: If your booty call is your best bud, keep those above points in mind. They'll help you both in the long run.
Also, keep the friendship first and the hookups second. If you feel like you're growing intimate feelings for one another, act upon it in a mature way and attempt to become "more" than friends.
If that's not the road you want to take, stop the nonsense because the situation will get sticky, no pun intended.
Then again, if you want to hook up, then hook up. Who cares what everyone else thinks? For God's sake, do what makes you happy. There's nothing wrong with being friends with benefits as long as no one gets hurt and everyone is on the same page.
That being said, there will be pros and cons attached to every decision you make in life, and this one is no different.