Sincerity, honesty and true love are just a few of the things in which many people don’t believe anymore. Everyone has become so used to feeling betrayed and cheated, they’ve grown cynical regarding the beautiful things life has to offer.
I’ve always felt like life enjoyed robbing me of the chance to feel real love or even the little good things in which I could take pleasure.
Just like any cynical person, I dismissed the idea of finding a person who would be true to me and even just the experience of true love.
Love is just an overrated word, a concept built by fools. I reached a point of not understanding why people raved so much about it.
Then, I asked myself, is love the problem? Or, is it me? So, I decided to embark on a journey to understand this crazy little thing called love. Where does it begin?
Here’s what I learned…
Loving yourself is one thing; narcissism is a different story.
We sometimes find it difficult to believe relationships can be built on real love because we don’t have a firm grasp on the idea of loving ourselves. When you don’t love yourself, it tends to reflect on the way you treat other people.
Some of us use our lovers to fill our basic needs or to just avoid feeling alone. At some point in my life, I viewed relationships as a chess game, and the people I was with as pawns. They were instruments I used to fill a void in my life that slowly ate up my soul.
It was all fun and games until it was me who got burned in the process, and that’s when I learned this: Using people to feed one’s hollow ego is a form of unhealthy self-love, a type of narcissism that can damage not just the other person, but also yourself.
Just because we’re broken inside doesn’t give us the right to break other people as well. If we can’t find rightful spots for them in our lives, there’s no need to inflict pain and heartbreak. We should just leave them better than we found them.
It’s okay to be vulnerable.
Pain changes people and when you’ve been burned and broken so many times, you start to build a wall around yourself and it does all the pushing away for you.
“I don’t need anyone,” is a common phrase we utter when we try our best to put up a brave face and convince people we are fine. I was so afraid to acknowledge I needed other people and their help, and for what reason? I just didn’t want to look weak.
Eventually, it became a burden I could no longer carry. I realized asking for help when we need it or admitting we need other people is not an indication of weakness, but rather a sign of honesty and courage. Putting your guard up doesn’t mean you’re strong. You gain strength when you let people in.
The art of accepting what we can’t change and letting things fall into place.
Things don’t always go our way, but sometimes, we try so hard to control things, we’d lie, cheat and deceive in order to make things work in our favor. Being in control has its perks, and more often than not, it goes hand in hand with deception.
Lying provides us comfort and sometimes, once you get the hang of it, a simple lie can progress into something much more complicated.
Then, you find yourself entangled in a web of lies. You get too comfortable; you fall into a deep slumber of lies, and then you realize your reality is just a tall tale.
Trying to control things, especially with the help of deception, is a way to fight reality. Yet, the truth is, it cannot be fought against. It’s like quicksand: The harder we try to get out of it, the deeper we sink. Accepting things and circumstances over which we hold no control is an art.
It’s so hard to let things go and let things be, but only in understanding how that works can we feel free of the burden from our past that held us back from moving forward to better things waiting for us in life.
Not everyone will appreciate the energy you give out and that’s okay.
There is no doubt our greatest need is to feel appreciated. Yet, no matter how sweet and lovable you are, there will always be people who will find you annoying.
You can be the best lover anyone will ever have, but still, people leave you behind. It doesn’t make sense, right? The thing is, we can’t dictate what and how certain people should feel about us.
Sometimes, they just can’t see they good in you because they’ve been so preoccupied with the drama and negativities in life. You can give someone your all, but not even get a thank you in return because what you have to offer isn’t what they want.
Make peace with it and never regret the good you have done for people because there will come a time when they will thank you for your compassion. Then, you can look back and proudly say, “I’m glad I did that.”
Have faith in people.
So many dreams were murdered by lack of faith, and sure enough, all of us have been victims of doubt. We often have a hard time believing all of us have the ability to make a difference. Disbelief is poison that will ruin our chances to create better days.
What we don’t realize is that there’s so much power when we utter the words “I BELIEVE IN YOU.” When you start making people feel you have faith in them, they give their best and even more than what we expect.
The moment people feel someone believes in them, it drives them to become better versions of themselves and even reach their full potential. It’s just a simple act of kindness, but it may mean more to them than you realize.
You are what you attract, so as much as possible, be real.
They say that the things and the people we attract are only reflections of what we feel inside. If we are unhappy and we are dishonest, we usually attract what we do not want, such as drama, arguments and utter chaos.
Everything starts within us. Whatever happens with the forces outside are only by-products of our inner turmoil.
It’s a concept that’s very hard to understand, but if we make peace with that process and start being honest with ourselves, life gives us what we want. If we are real and we want things like it, we’ll get it.
Never take the plunge if you know it’s not what you want. Be patient.
It’s basically the same as “never settle for less.” Don’t ever involve yourself in an endeavor just because it is available, passable or you can probably deal with it.
You can’t invest your time in a job, or a relationship you aren’t sure will work out in the long run. Sure, taking risks is one of the most courageous things you can do in life, but waiting is, too.
There’s always something for us out there, something that is really meant for us.
Waiting is dreadful, but when the timing is right, you might just find a job that doesn't make you feel like you’re being dragged out of bed just to go to work.
Instead, you’ll wake up with excitement knowing you are on your way to do what you love.
When you don’t settle on a person to love, he will manifest and be the one who will overlook your imperfections. You could have done many crappy things in the past, but he won’t judge you for them.
Even though nobody believes in you anymore, he will be the person who will. He’ll magically lower your guard and make you see the beauty he sees in your soul. When people turn their backs on you, he’ll be there to appreciate you and inspire you to do and achieve anything.
He has faith in you, and he’ll motivate you to pursue your dreams; he is the one who will give meaning to the words “you make me a better person.”