When we’re in love, we tend to create certain fantasies. When a guy strays, we make up reasons to excuse him for his deviant behavior because we'd rather not give up on the fantasy.
Call it denying reality, but at times, we'd rather hold on to that ideal picture.
At one point or another, we’ll try to rationalize a guy's behavior, whether he's rude, MIA or simply unfaithful. It’s like we’re trying to convince ourselves that he’s the right guy, or what he is doing is acceptable under current circumstances.
Sometimes, however, we have to realize that he’s just not worth our time and effort. Making excuses for a guy might not be the best way to go about it, but facing reality is. Being in love or infatuated can cloud our judgment.
An excuse justifies an offense and lessens responsibility by getting you to overlook something. When excuses are made, it lessens commitment. In the worst case scenario, you’re denying and minimizing the issue at hand.
Here are seven common excuses girls make for guys:
1. He will change.
Whether the guy is a couch potato or a big flirt, the excuse you incessantly make for him is that “he’ll change.”
2. We are not official.
This excuse is for the guy’s flirtatious behavior. You know that he’s messaging or possibly even hooking up with other girls, but technically, you two aren’t officially together yet.
Therefore, you excuse his behavior because you don’t want to come off as a needy or clingy person.
3. I know he cares.
“Deep down he really cares for me.” Or not. If a guy really cares, he will show it.
4. He won’t do it again.
He may have cheated, abused you (physically or verbally), or thrown your sh*t out, but because he apologized, you give him the benefit of the doubt that it won’t happen again.
5. He’s busy.
He doesn’t respond to your messages as often as you’d hope. You only get to see him once a week and your friends start to ask you, “Oh, where’s X?” The most justifiable answer is, “He’s busy with work/school.”
6. He messages and sees me as much as he can.
Similar to excuse number five, we’d like to believe that you reply and see us as much as you can.
Even though we know you read the message, we’d like to think that you couldn't reply right away because you were busy with work.
7. He’s not ready for a relationship.
Whether he’s still getting over his ex or enjoying the single life, he’s just not ready (although some of the things you guys do together suggest otherwise).
You don’t want to push him into a corner, nor do you want to be that girl to suffocate him. Therefore, you excuse his unfaithfulness or lack of commitment by suggesting that, “He’s not ready.”
Girls don’t like to argue with the people we like and care about. Sometimes making excuses for the guy we like is much easier than admitting to reality. It prevents heated debates that will most likely end up nowhere.
We also make excuses for the guy we like because we don’t want to be humiliated. No girl wants to feel like an idiot, and making excuses is one of many defense mechanisms to prevent ourselves from feeling hurt or embarrassed.
What's the number one reason we make excuses? Duh! We like you! It's as simple as that. However, we have to realize that if the guy is a repeat offender, then it is definitely not okay. It’s best to take a step back and reevaluate the situation.
A healthy relationship does not include making excuses.
Photo Courtesy: Fox Searchlight Pictures/Juno